Infidelity: A Personal Story
Posted by Literary Titan
Author of 50 Shades of Truth, Josef, takes some time to discuss his personal life and the book it spawned.
50 Shades of Truth seems like a very personal story for you. How hard was it to put this story out in the world for people to read?
Incredibly personal and very hard. Writing about my infidelity was the hardest part and it ripped my heart out. I still cannot think about my wife without a regret that burns like a hot knife. She loved me deeply and the stupid thing is that I loved her too, but living as a slave to a life of sex made it impossible to be with her. I can only wish and pray that she finds true happiness now with someone. But just having the book out there seems even harder in some ways (than writing) because everything is so different now. It’s confusing. I have a completely new life and am exploring feelings that I never thought possible. But in the end it’s all very positive because now I can live my life like the person everyone always thought I was for 60 years. Waking up in the morning and not having to live that secret life is an incredible relief, and I feel a massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
Do you have any advice for people who might be going through the same things that you have?
It depends how they feel about it. If people are going through the same things but don’t have any “life search” conflicts or infidelity issues, I would tell them to take the brakes off, and enjoy it. The beautiful world of BDSM, trannies and sex is delicious, and looking at it just on it’s own merit I love it. If someone is going through the same things I did, and living in a prison of guilt like I was, I’d tell them to find someone they can trust, and start to talk about it. They need to be 100% ready, and wishing more than anything to let it all go otherwise I don’t see that doing any good, but if they’re feeling like I was, then they are definitely ready. Finding the right person to talk to is the hard part, and it’s not as easy as looking up a therapist in the phone book. Some therapists are worse than useless, and could do more damage than good. I know that from experience. The first therapist I spoke to needs some serious couch time herself before she should ever be let loose to talk to someone about their problems. It only takes one session to know if you’ve made a bad choice, and when someone starts seriously looking for a way “out” they need to trust, and listen to, the voice in their heart that made them pick up the phone in the first place. It takes courage.
This was originally an assignment from your therapist. Did you know that you would eventually publish the story or was it something that you decided later?
It was something I decided later, although the idea surfaced before I finished writing. If I had thought about it sooner, and looked at it from a commercial perspective I may have written some of it differently. I mean differently mainly in terms of the language that is used in the book. Less profanity might have given the book a wider appeal but that would have changed the experience of writing it. I even thought about going back and rewriting it for publication after I finished but I couldn’t do it. That just felt dishonest, and doing that would have made writing it pointless. I needed to stay true to myself, which is an ironic thing to say, considering the lifetime of lies and deception I have lived.
What advice would you give to your younger self?
Don’t get married until you sort it out! But I don’t know if that is “possible” advice. It’s just that I would have loved to find a way around the pain I caused to some people close to me. Seriously, I would tell myself to be gentle about whatever is happening, and not listen to fear. Being guided by fear and standing in judgment of ourselves is the most ridiculous situation imaginable, considering how very little we know about life’s purpose. But laughably, our lives are driven by fear, which serves no purpose but to undermine and destroy life’s beautiful possibility. Not listening to fear is easier said than done, but I’d tell my younger self to have a crack!
Who do you think would be the perfect audience for your book?
Anyone who has a secret that makes them afraid. If we can dissolve the fear that breeds loneliness and find a sense of ‘aloneness’ instead, we empower ourselves to begin to properly live our lives and find true freedom, so anyone with the courage to look at fear would be a good audience. The problem of fear comes up a lot in the book. The sad thing is that most people will never realize that their lives are ruled by fear, and the prison this creates, because they are too scared to look at it. That is an incredibly cruel irony of life. A very wise man once said that mankind has to overcome four enemies to find enlightenment. We’re told that first enemy is fear. Unfortunately most of us are taken out by fear before we finish Elementary School.
About Literary TitanThe Literary Titan is a book review website which consists of mostly fiction books, but we do enjoy non fiction works that we're excited about. All reviews are the reviewer’s honest opinion. We love books and read constantly (seriously, it’s an addiction). We're always open to book review requests and have aspirations of one day being sucked into the Twilight Zone episode with Burgess Meredith where all he wants to do is read, but can’t until the world ends; you know what I mean?
Posted on September 23, 2015, in Interviews and tagged 50 shades of truth, author interview, BDSM, infidelity, josef, nonfiction, personal story, sex, transvestites. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.