The Step and the Walk follows a grieving scholar who is pursuing immortality through forbidden alchemy, but each step toward conquering death demands a devastating sacrifice. How does this installment contribute to the larger emotional and philosophical questions you want to explore throughout the trilogy?

I can only think of the phrase “memento mori” — or, “remember that you must die.” This is an underlying theme to the entire Darkening Gate trilogy. Lily Bellamy, whom we met in The Name and the Key, deals with her own tragedy but is far more accepting of death than Andresh is, and we learn more about that in The Step and the Walk. Andresh knows that everyone must die, but he doesn’t find that acceptable because he believes death is unfair and that lives were taken from him instead of realizing each person will have an ending to their own life. He is terrified of death because, with death, Andresh doesn’t want to lose any more people he loves. Andresh is ignoring another part of “memento mori,” though: he isn’t taking time to live his life fully. True, he has Lily and enjoys what time he has with her and her family, but Andresh’s priority has always been the ending of death through the power of alchemy. He is single-minded in his focus, and doesn’t realize that sacrificing parts of his humanity to do so is a little bit like death in its own way. The same thing with Fire. Fire is the energy of the soul, and Andresh gives it up willingly to feed the demon he works with, not realizing he is shaving off years of his own life to do so. He is hastening his death and he doesn’t even know it. As he walks closer to his end, risking everything for eternal life, he doesn’t remember that he needs to live for the remaining moments he has–to live for love, for happiness, for kindness, and goodness. 

How do Andresh’s relationships with Lily and Sebastien reveal different aspects of his personality and emotional needs?

Andresh has placed Lily on a sort of pedestal, and treats her as the ultimate goal and culmination of his love. He has adored her since childhood and constantly addresses her in his journal, imagining she is right there with him as he explains and explores his choices. The problem is, Lily isn’t there while Andresh goes through something more than life’s trials. He is incredibly lonely and desires affection from someone close to him so he can experience it in real time. Enter Sebastien, his handsome classmate, who pursues Andresh and reminds him, “I’m here with you, right now.” Andresh has also given Sebastien high regard–not as much as Lily, but he too idolizes Sebastien in a way, flattered by the attention of a wealthy, attractive gentleman. I think this indicates that Andresh doesn’t actually have the high self-esteem he tends to give off in front of others. He doesn’t seem to feel complete without someone else there, and there is danger in elevating his lovers beyond the truth of who they are. Andresh doesn’t recognize this in himself yet, but he has trouble seeing people as they are. He only reacts to how they make him feel. Let’s hope that as he continues his relationship with Lily, he learns to be more accepting of reality.  

What philosophical questions about immortality, sacrifice, and personal identity were most important to you while developing Andresh’s journey?

I really revisited my own grief as I wrote this trilogy, and this book especially. I lost my father when I wrote my graduate thesis. His death was sudden and in no way expected. When that happened, I quickly became afraid and wondered who would be next. Over the years, I dealt with many more deaths in my family, and my feelings always went back to the fear of wondering if the people closest to me were the next to die. I channeled all of this fear into Andresh, who is perpetually afraid of dying and what could come after that, if anything. I would never wish to be immortal, but I wanted to take the fear of death to its extreme with Andresh, and have him contemplate the gift of immortality. In the book, being immortal means becoming a god. If Andresh is a god, he has the power to stop the death of other people, not just his own. Of course, this is his rationalization. While his demon Isabelle assures him his thinking is sound, there is no guarantee of any of it. Why trust a demon, after all? But Andresh is so desperate, he will do anything for the purpose of meeting his goals. 

As for sacrifice, I thought of the chemical processes in alchemy–the burning and dissolution, the purification and recomposition–and wondered what that would be like for a human: to break down the self and eventually be reconstituted as something more than a human being.  For the first sacrifice, I thought of the most controversial aspect of human nature: desire. Desire can lead to love, but it can also lead to desperation and murder. It can be perceived as good and bad, but it is also an entirely human trait. I thought that if humans gave up their desire, they might be closer to being a god because the push-and-pull and conflict would no longer be there. They have grown beyond it.  Add to the story some romance, and you can see how giving up desire would impact that aspect of the book.

I think personal identity is a great exploration that occurs in the novel outside of Andresh’s pursuit to end death. Andresh’s journal reveals truths about himself, and through that self-reflection, Andresh learns more about who he is as a person. He denied, or at the very least, was baffled by his bisexuality, but later comes to terms with it as a part of who he is. He repeatedly questions whether or not his choices make him a good person, or if what he is doing is actually evil. He constantly struggles with his identity and how he recognizes things about himself, which I think creates a great side-conflict in the book. After all, we’ve been told we should “know thyself,” and what sort of problems could arise if you have no idea who you are or what you truly want? 

What is the next book that you are working on, and when will it be available?

I am currently writing the third book in The Darkening trilogy, The Fear and the Flame. It’s due to my publisher in March, although I hope to deliver the manuscript faster than that. We’ll see. I can only tell you that the book will release in 2027, but I am unsure when. I am doing my best to resolve the story in the most thrilling, emotionally fulfilling way possible, and I am aiming for that happy ending. It’s a lot of work but I am enjoying the ride all the same. I hope readers will be able to wait and look forward to the conclusion!

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