The Hedgehog and the Worm follows a struggling hedgehog who befriends a wise old worm, who teaches him to break old patterns and choose who he wants to become. Why did you choose an animal fable to explore personal growth, self-mastery, and purposeful living?

I’d already written the nonfiction version of these ideas in The Alignment Quotient. But I think that book suffered from the same problem many self-help books suffer from: too much explanation and defense of the concepts. I spent a lot of time explaining the science and the philosophy, and then gave some exercises. People told me the book was brilliant and very interesting. But it didn’t help them see how it shows up inside a real life. I always wanted to write a book that could make a difference, and the nonfiction book was doing a poor job accomplishing that goal.

Then, one day, for the first time in my life, I saw a hedgehog. He was sleeping on my front lawn. I was worried a cat might get him, so I moved him into our backyard. Over the next few weeks, I noticed the slug problem in our garden had disappeared. I put out a night camera and caught that little hedgehog scouring my garden and gobbling them up. So, I started looking into hedgehogs and became fascinated.

At that time, my son was only five years old. I saw how much influence stories had on his ideas about morals, ethics, values, and how to live. It made me think about the book The Goal, which was a fictional story written to help adults understand certain concepts about processes, basically the theory of constraints. And I thought maybe the ideas from my nonfiction book would be easier to understand through a story.

That’s when the idea came together. Why not write a story about a hedgehog, borrowing the concept from 1001 Arabian Nights, where the young woman who marries the king tells him a new story every night so he won’t kill her? But in my story, the food (a worm) would stay alive by coaching the hedgehog through his rough summer. This would allow me to present deep neuroscience, social psychology, ancient and modern philosophy, and even modern coaching concepts, all through a simple fable.

I’m not a fiction writer. I’m more a nonfiction science and philosophy writer. So this project took me four years from concept to final version. Over that 4 years, it took about 29 rewrites for me to make it accurate to the science and philosophies while also making it a story that’s hard to set down once you start reading. But it was a fun learning process, and I hope this work can bring these ideas to the world and make a positive difference in people’s lives.

There’s one more thing. The worm’s name is revealed at some point in the book. He’s named after my very good friend, who died just before I started writing this book. The conversations with my friend that spanned 20 years are some of the same conversations that are in this story. I was very fortunate that his widow was able to read the draft before she died. She said he would have gotten a kick out of being this worm. So the book also became a way to honor my friend that I couldn’t have found any other way.

How does the SPICY philosophy build on the lessons Herb learns throughout the story?

SPICY is the sexy part that people want to work on. It’s a structure that helps you answer the question “Why do I get out of bed in the morning?” It’s the thing you are going to be building in the world with, and for, others. I think this is the question people who are lost want to know first. And so I struggled about whether or not to make the story begin here rather than end with it, because it tends to be the thing that motivates people: meaning and purpose.

The problem is that it’s the “you” that makes that meaning. Two people can do the exact same job, and one finds it deeply meaningful while the other is just collecting a paycheck. And it’s also the “you” that you bring to the work you do when you get out of bed, whatever it is. If you are peace, you bring peace to it. Without answering the question “Who am I?” the “Why am I here” question can be chosen from the wrong place, like fear, guilt, or what other people expect of you. And then you can end up building someone else’s life instead of your own.

So, I decided to start with the question “Who am I?” first. Like, let’s decide who you are before we decide what you are going to be doing. I worried that if we put SPICY first, then it would be like doing Ready-Shoot-Aim. But I could be wrong, and readers may find that there would be a more interesting story to be written by introducing SPICY first, and then working on the “who am I” question.

So, SPICY answers the questions “Why am I on this planet? Why do I get out of bed every morning?” And that builds on the question “Who am I?” The whole journey through the story shows Herb, with the worm’s help, creating and living into his answers to those two questions. By the end of the story, Herb has a way to live his life where he is no longer being provoked, manipulated, or controlled by others or by his circumstances. He has the ability and courage to be who he is, and he has his purpose clear in his mind. Not some highbrow concept, just his own reason that works for him.

Can you explain the difference between the Have-Do-Be and Be-Do-Have approaches to life and why that distinction is important?

Have-Do-Be is a paradigm that we, in the modern world, have been raised to believe is the way life and the world work. It says: once I have the right job, money, relationship, or body, I can do the things that will make me be who I want to be. It sounds reasonable, but when you look around at the serious regrets that are caused by it in people’s lives, it makes you wonder if there is another way.

I watched a friend lose his career as a mechanic because he injured his back. He didn’t only lose his work. He lost who he was: his ability to be a loving father who provides. From my friend’s Have-Do-Be perspective, he felt very justified in his depression. But from the outside, we can see that he can still be a good dad; he can still be a loving partner; he can still be a hard worker taking care of his family. It’s not a mechanic’s job that gives or takes that away.

And that is why, in the story, the worm asks Herb to test out flipping the paradigm to Be-Do-Have. Choose who you’ll be first, act from that, and the having follows, or it doesn’t. Either way, you’re still you. The distinction matters because you’re always being someone to yourself and others. Either you choose it, or your habits, circumstances, or even other people will choose it for you. It matters even more today, when skills and careers can disappear overnight, and people are letting AI do more and more of their thinking and decision-making.

What advice would you offer readers who understand the importance of personal growth but struggle to put that understanding into consistent practice?

Knowing usually isn’t the problem. Doing is. In the book, the worm’s one condition for teaching Herb was that he had to test the ideas and practice them. The problem with most self-help books is they give grandiose ideas that are really hard to practice. And the science on change is clear: that’s not likely to work. You have to start small, very small.

That’s why the worm has Herb starting in the moment, focusing on his actions in the next 5 seconds. Nothing big, nothing fancy, just: are you being kind, or generous, or whatever you chose, right now? And if not, the change is to start aligning your behavior right now, in the next 5 seconds, nothing more. It’s not about tomorrow, or next week, or some distant future goal. It’s tiny decisions in the moment.

The same goes for the SPICY ways forward. We start with very small actions, like picking up a piece of trash instead of walking by. Or even just being kind to yourself when you make a mistake. Change is rarely revolutionary. It starts with things you may think are insignificant and mundane. They are very doable and cost almost nothing, and over time, they add up. Eventually, it will become easier and easier to do bigger things, or not, but either way you are making progress. And that is the goal: to become a more perfect version of who you choose to be.

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