In Finding Order in Disorder, you share your experiences living with bipolar disorder while moving through fractured relationships, immigration, an abusive marriage, hospitalizations, divorce, education, and artistic discovery. Why was this an important book for you to write?

This book was a catharsis of sorts- it served as a platform to tell my story for other South Asian women going through similar experiences of mental health and/or being survivors of domestic violence in an often-patriarchal society. The dominant narratives are often those of individuals who hold the most power, and in our culture, it is often men’s stories that are taken most seriously. This story was important to showcase and highlight my experiences of having my spine almost broken in two- and to rid myself of the shame, guilt and embarrassment associated with this incident by talking more freely about it. Erasing mental health stigma was yet another important reason for me to take to writing a memoir while also analyzing my own behaviours to come up with a toolkit of sorts for anyone who might be coping with similar mental health barriers. Hence, the section in my book of ‘ground rules for life’ is apt for anyone who has bipolar or any other kind of mental health.

Topics such as divorce, fractured relationships, and family dynamics are most often an invisible existence in the discourse of South Asian families back home and abroad. This must change, and writing the memoir served as a catalyst for opening dreaded, silenced and suppressed conversations on these topics.

Your story begins in childhood and spans multiple countries, including India, Canada, and Germany. How did moving between cultures and environments shape your identity and your understanding of yourself?

Moving between cultures was a major part of my identity formation. In India I was both a latin dancer and Indian classical dancer who explored both sides of the culture through dance festivals, teaching workshops, community performances and participating in Argentine tango and latin ballroom dance competitions. This aspect of my personality followed me to Dresden, Germany where I would teach dance in a girls high school, as well as Salsa in a community dance workshop in Dresden University.

I discovered that dance was a form of both coping mechanism and expression for me while I underwent severe trauma that manifested later both in the form of emotional and physical ruptures in my mind-body connection due to the exposure to intimate partner violence I experience for months at a stretch.

Finally, Canada is a place where I finally found my home away from home- I am an immigrant from India who now views Canada as her first home. I often say it is not the place but it is the people that make the place. Today I surround myself with strong pillars of support that have stayed with me for over a decade of my life now. I am also in my second marriage now- it has been over three years and it is pure bliss- Canada has given me a new lease to life with a new partner and provided me with a much needed opportunity to live life on my own terms.

How did art, performance, and movement help you express emotions that were difficult to communicate through words?

“Dance is like meditation, where the dancer is free of all worldly thoughts and transcends into another world. The world of a dancer doesn’t have abnormalities or normalities in it… It is this world that I want to live in- devoid of any judgments or labels. The chaos of our thoughts can be silenced in order to soak in the beauty of world’s creation, achieving stillness” (Chopra, 2024).

This quote is extremely pertinent to me and speaks volumes about my relationship with dance movement and the power of expressive arts therapy!

What do you hope readers take away from Finding Order in Disorder, especially those who may be struggling with their own mental health challenges? 

I hope readers take away from the book the concept of ‘Let Ishaa help Ishaa’ which was the last and wisest advice from my late uncle Vir Papa who passed away due to Covid. It deals with the concept of a mental health patient and agency. The healing has to be on some level intrinsically motivated so that one can create the shift towards healing. This has been my mantra all along and has kept me well. This means I know I must stay regular with my medications, doctor visits, counselling sessions and keep a strong support system within my community systems through friends and family members so that if and when my health is amiss there is a backup plan in place at all times. Finally, ‘Let Ishaa help Ishaa’ empowers me tremendously to this day- and tells me that I am in control of my own life and circumstances at the end of the day- once we know this and truly internalize it- any change is feasible.

Author Links: Website | YouTube | Spotify