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Difference in Perspective
Conversations with My Mother tells the tender and heartbreaking story of a son watching his mother fade into dementia. What was the inspiration for the setup of your story?
I started writing the book after a weeklong stay with my mother, during which she’d been diagnosed with vascular dementia. Afraid that the mother I’d known was fast disappearing, I began visiting and calling her as often as possible. Consequently, from her initial diagnosis through her passing several years later, I periodically witnessed both firsthand and at a remove her growing disorientation and anxiety as well as her increasing bursts of candor and flights of fancy. It was this on-again, off-again exposure to the effects of her condition that led to the episodic construction of the book, whose chapters recount particular days or moments in the course of the heroine’s long and debilitating illness.
Are there any emotions or memories from your own life that you put into your character’s life?
Since Conversations With My Mother is a kind of fictionalized memoir, many of the narrator Rob’s emotions and perceptions reflect my own. From 70 to 80 percent of the book’s events are based on memories, though some were melded or otherwise modified to support its narrative and thematic development.
What were some themes that were important for you to explore in this book?
The book’s central theme is that loss is not always as complete as it might seem. Though a dementia victim’s personality may fade or shatter, fragments of it often remain, and we should do our best to recognize, respect, and cherish them, however few.
Another important theme is the disparity between a geographically distant offspring’s experience of a parent’s dementia and that of an offspring who is a caregiver and, as such, in constant contact with the parent. For example, the book’s narrator, Rob, lives several states away from his mother, so he experiences her decline only in periodic phone calls and visits, whereas his sister, Diane, her primary caregiver, experiences its consequences daily. This leads to a difference in perspective between the two, with Rob being more focused on the emotional and Diane on the practical. Rob, from his insulated remove, occasionally glosses over or sentimentalizes issues, which is easy to do from a distance, while Diane, being in the thick of caregiving, sometimes feels overwhelmed and becomes impatient, which is understandable, given the demanding, continuous nature of caregiving. Neither perspective is more valid than the other. Each is simply the result of the character’s particular circumstances.
What is the next book that you are working on, and when is that book due out?
My next book is a family saga describing the experiences of a French-Canadian immigrant woman from the dawn of the 20th century through the 1980s, contrasting her early life’s poverty and hardships with the different challenges faced by her more affluent children and grandchildren. Like Conversations with My Mother, it’s based on my family’s history, drawing on the experiences of both my maternal and paternal grandmothers. I expect it to be ready for publication sometime in 2027.
Author Links: GoodReads | Amazon
Distinguished Favorite, New Fiction, 2025 Independent Press Award
Honorable Mention, 2021 Lorian Hemingway Short Story Competition
Conversations With My Mother, a Novel of Dementia on the Maine Coast
Conversations with My Mother tells the tender and heartbreaking story of a son watching his mother fade into dementia. Set on the coast of Maine, the book unfolds through small, vivid vignettes that capture the everyday beauty and sorrow of a family coping with loss long before death arrives. Through these fragments, each like a brief conversation or memory, the narrator shows his mother’s slow descent into confusion and fragility, while also revealing flashes of her wit, compassion, and stubborn humor. It’s as much about remembering as it is about forgetting, about holding on when life insists on letting go. The setting, with its shifting skies and sea winds, mirrors the mother’s mind, sometimes calm and lucid, sometimes clouded and unpredictable.
Reading this book felt like sitting in a quiet room, listening to two people who love each other deeply but know time is running out. The writing is simple yet piercing, with a kind of understated poetry that sneaks up on you. I found myself laughing at the mother’s dry remarks one moment and then, without warning, feeling my throat tighten the next. Gilbert doesn’t dramatize dementia; instead, he honors it with honesty. The story never begs for pity. It just shows life as it is, messy, unfair, beautiful. I admired how the author used humor to cut through the sadness. It’s the kind of humor that comes from people who’ve lived long enough to know that grief and laughter are two sides of the same coin.
What struck me most was the way Gilbert made the ordinary feel sacred. A drive to a hair salon, a walk to the beach, a chat about blueberries, these moments hold whole worlds of memory and meaning. The mother’s voice lingers long after you finish, a mix of sharp wit, old-world grace, and quiet resignation. There were times I wanted to reach into the page and hold her hand. The author’s restraint, his refusal to sugarcoat or sensationalize, gives the book its power. It’s a love letter wrapped in loss.
I’d recommend Conversations with My Mother to anyone who has cared for an aging parent or watched a loved one slip away piece by piece. It’s not a light read, but it’s a comforting one, full of truth and tenderness. This book is for readers who value quiet stories that move slowly and hit hard. It left me sad but grateful, reflective but strangely uplifted. Gilbert reminds us that even as memory fades, love stays, steady, stubborn, and shining through the fog.
Pages: 315 | ASIN : B0DHW9B73V
LITERARY TITAN 