In Being Broken, you share the traumas of your childhood, heartbreaking losses, and how you were able to face the damage that shaped your life. Why was this an important book for you to write?

I had to understand how things could have gone so terribly wrong that my sister had to pay the ultimate price, with her life. I’m not a spiritual person, so I needed to believe that this was preventable; that there was a rational and reasonable explanation for this tragedy. Not only that, I needed to better understand my part and be able to forgive myself for either my inability to act in time, or if I had become apathetic to her plight from years of dealing with it. But the journey allowed me to view my own life from a better perspective. It allowed me to dig deep into the traumas of my past and move forward with forgiveness of myself and the fact that I was not responsible for what happened to either of us.

I appreciated the honesty and raw emotion throughout your memoir. What was the hardest thing for you to write about?

Top of that list is my sister’s death. I was so overcome with shame and guilt about not being able to save her, the only way to deal with it was to write about it. I was having a hard time articulating what I was going through, and to write it all out was relieving since the rumination during grief can be very overwhelming. However, equal to how difficult her death was, learning and writing about my sister’s rape was extremely difficult. As I wrote in the book, our parents downplayed my sister’s rape to the point where they were trying to convince me it didn’t happen. Because of their manipulation, I believed them, and the guilt and shame I felt when I read about it in her journals was heartbreaking. Knowing that I wasn’t there for her like I should have been while she was dealing with that trauma, alone, made me feel absolutely horrible. Understanding now it is not my fault, but the fault of my parents’ manipulation of me, that I wasn’t there for her during the most difficult time of her life allowed me to forgive myself.

What is one misconception you believe many people have about growing up in abusive homes?

That children, and even adults, can see and understand that they are being abused, and that escaping the situation is obvious. Many people in abusive relationships are unaware that they are experiencing abuse. I didn’t understand that my sister and I were being abused by our parents until after her death. The narcissistic front of family perfection that our parents projected out into the world made it very difficult for anyone to believe us when we talked about what was going on in that house. Further, the nature of the abuse caused us to live in fear of talking about it. To even consider sharing what was going on with us, we knew the consequences would be severe. And lastly, the amount of control my parents had over my sister’s life precluded any ability for her to escape. They had full control over everything in her life: her car, her lease/rental properties, her phone, money, even her son when she was deemed incapable of caring for him – and they constantly threatened to take it all away if she didn’t behave as they wanted. Truly understanding what was happening to us took a lot of study on my part; years of work through my sobriety, and then grief. By then, it was too late for her, but it continues to help me heal.

What is one thing you hope readers take away from your experiences?

That if you are experiencing the same type of abuse, or have in your past, that you are not alone and there is hope of recovery. The common statistic is that 1 in 4 children experiences a form of abuse. It doesn’t have to be physical or sexual abuse, the most horrific types; it could be any type of mental or emotional abuse. Everyone experiences trauma, even the same trauma, differently based on their formative childhood years. Studies show that a child who experiences repeated forms of abuse has a very altered brain than one who does not. However, through neuroplasticity, therapy, and work, we can manage the challenges of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder to rewire our brains to live healthy, improved lives and still accept and integrate what we faced as children.

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