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A Personal Reckoning
Twice the Family is your poignant memoir of identity, adoption, and the unyielding bonds of sisterhood, exploring the journey of being “chosen” while searching for belonging. Why was this an important book for you to write?
For me, this book was a greater challenge than writing my debut memoir, Twice a Daughter, the five-year saga about searching for my birth parents to gather family medical history. Twice the Family rose out of readers’ requests to know more about what it was like to grow up as a twin and an adoptee. Yet, for me, the book is more than that. It is a personal reckoning.
Twice a Daughter had a specific frame or timeline. While I provided the necessary backstory, it focused on the events surrounding my adoption search. Because Twice the Family is a coming-of-age story, it has a longer timeline: twenty-seven years. It opens with the births of my twin sister and me, and our subsequent adoption, and culminates with the building of my own biological family.
Choosing the events to include in this new book and tying those moments to the desired themes of love, loss, and family was a deliberate and challenging task. Telling the story and sharing my unique perspective as a twin and adoptee within the context of our family history was a delicate balance. My goal was for the reader to understand the struggles I faced within a loving family governed by the strict rules of Catholicism. While we were soothed by love and instilled with a strong sense of belonging, our formative years were overshadowed by my parents’ infertility and drive to achieve their goal of a big Irish Catholic family. As I matured, I realized some of my parents’ goals and values did not align with mine.
How did your adoptive family’s faith shape your understanding of being “chosen” and your identity?
Some of the foundational tenets of Catholicism are love is patient, love is kind, and love heals all. Also, love your neighbor as yourself. This belief system became ingrained in my siblings and me during our formative years at school, church, and at home. Also, the struggles my parents faced in building their big, Irish Catholic family through adoption, their years of infertility, and subsequent child loss due to stillborn death and sudden illness made a lasting impression on me. It was, however, my parents deeply held religious beliefs, their unrelenting commitment to family, and the strong examples they set about honesty, perseverance, and resiliency that influenced who I am and the person I have become.
I always felt as if I held a strong place in my family. Some of that “chosen” feeling arose from the stature of being the firstborn and a twin. I strongly believe that the adoption of my twin sister, myself, and our younger brother was not what set us apart from our younger siblings––my folks’ biological children––but what strung us all together. We were individuals and my mother recognized that and used it in a cohesive way. My mother is a very inclusive person. If she thought, you were the underdog in a given situation, she became your fiercest champion. I love this trait about her; it made her a faithful and reliable mother, neighbor, and friend.
What message do you hope readers—especially adoptees—take away from your story?
Parenting, whether it comes by way of adoption or not, is not a smooth easy road to success. As parents, we make numerous mistakes, and each child takes note, adjusting their behavior to accommodate it. When it is our turn to build our own families, sometimes we are successful at not repeating the mistakes our parents made. Often though, we make different errors, and so the cycle repeats itself. The point I wanted to make in Twice the Family is that family building, then and now, is no easy road. It takes commitment, but through shared values, love, and consistent efforts, parents succeed in building character among those they call family.
Were there moments during the writing process where revisiting your story became emotionally overwhelming? How did you navigate them?
There were chapters I intended to include in the book that happened so long ago that I knew I needed help with validating facts. Because I wanted a true accounting, I consulted with my twin sister and my mother. Together we revisited those key moments. Collaborating was informative and fun, and it enabled me to craft a true story. The result was one part family history, one part memoir, and one part nostalgia for a bygone era of society. Navigating the tough scenes and events meant the writing process slowed down due to the strong emotional impact of those moments. The aftermath of getting them down, getting them right, and polishing them was both exhilarating and draining. Slowing down and honoring those moments was an important aspect of the writing process. The outcome, Twice the Family, fills me with deep pride and satisfaction.
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In this coming-of-age memoir, set in Chicago’s western suburbs between the 1960s and ’80s, adopted twins Julie and Jenny provide their parents with an instant family. Their sisterly bond holds tight as the two strive for identity, individuality, and belonging. But as Julie’s parents continue adding children to the family, some painful and tragic experiences test family values, parental relationships, and sibling bonds.
Faced with these hurdles, Julie questions everything—who she is, how she fits in, her adoption circumstances, her faith, and her idea of family. But the life her parents have constructed is not one she wants for herself—and as she matures, she recognizes how the experiences that formed her have provided her a road map for the person and mother she wants to be.
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Twice the Family: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Sisterhood
Julie Ryan McGue’s memoir, Twice the Family, is a moving tapestry of identity, adoption, and the enduring bond of sisterhood. Born as one of twin sisters and placed for adoption immediately after birth, McGue intricately weaves her story, charting her journey through a 1960s suburban upbringing with her adoptive Catholic family and the lifelong search for belonging. The book is structured into three sections—Identity, Belonging, and Becoming—each reflecting a stage in McGue’s life and emotional growth. Her vivid storytelling captures the complexities of love and loss while exploring what it means to be “chosen.”
What struck me first was McGue’s raw honesty. She doesn’t shy away from peeling back the layers of her experiences. For instance, her prologue—a visceral account of birth and separation from her sister—sets the tone for the deep emotional undercurrent of the book. The heartbreaking scene of her birth mother’s decision not to hold her daughters feels like a silent thunderstorm. It’s here that McGue’s storytelling shines, drawing you into her world where loss and love coexist. Her words made me think about identity in ways I hadn’t before.
One of my favorite parts of the book is the adoption day story in Chapter 2. McGue’s adoptive mother receives a surprise call informing her that she’s about to become a parent to twin girls. The excitement, nerves, and love are palpable. Her father’s corny jokes about “womb mates” and “bosom buddies” felt endearing and reminded me of family moments that stick with you. McGue’s ability to balance the warmth of family life with its darker and more uncertain aspects creates an authenticity that pulled me in. Yet, the overwhelming expectation to be “perfect” as an adoptee resonates throughout the book, raising questions about familial love and conditional acceptance. McGue’s struggle to reconcile her adoptive status with her desire to please her parents is both relatable and heartbreaking. It reminded me of the silent pressure many of us feel to fit into molds that don’t always align with who we are.
In the end, Twice the Family left me hopeful. While McGue doesn’t sugarcoat the emotional toll of adoption, she celebrates the resilience of family bonds—biological or otherwise. Her twin sister Jenny emerges as a pillar of strength throughout, and their connection underscores the unbreakable ties of shared experience. McGue’s reflections on faith, especially her mother’s belief that their adoption was a divine gift, add a layer of spiritual depth to the narrative.
I’d wholeheartedly recommend Twice the Family to anyone interested in memoirs that touch the soul. It’s especially poignant for adoptees or those connected to adoption, but its themes of identity and belonging make it universal. McGue’s prose is as heartfelt as it is insightful.
Pages: 376 | ISBN: 164742786X
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