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Step Out of Silence
Remains of Silence recounts the turbulence of growing up in a dysfunctional and abusive family with instability and neglect, weaving together vignettes of fear, longing, and survival. Why was this an important book for you to write?
As the title reflects, it was important to me to step out of silence and say it so, as it is so. While I have stopped being silent for many years already, it was important to me to speak of what I have made of the silence since. These are the remains. My current life in which I have transformed myself from one who had no choice but to keep silent, to one who was able to heal the loss, damage and stolen youth. It was a form of therapy in which I was able to release all that was still clinging onto dark corners of my subconscious. In the end, it allowed me to truly close the door on being a victim and embrace victory.
What were some ideas that were important for you to share in this book?
Simply sharing the truth. It is said that the truth sets you free. I can testify that it truly does. In my youth a fear of what people may think or say was hammered into us all. But I was able to break free from that and prove that raw honesty links with surrender. And through surrender we lighten the load. And by lightening the load, we set ourselves free to be who we came to be in the first place. Free of disease and thriving at being the best versions of ourselves.
What was the most challenging part of writing your memoir, and what was the most rewarding?
The most challenging was to write part observer and part participant. One of the major challenges I had to overcome in my adulthood is falling back onto being a victim. And writing the memoir tempted me at time to do just that. But the most rewarding part was the awareness of that and the ability to separate the wounded child from the wise adult. The former easily prone to victimhood. The former mature enough to know the difference between passive helplessness and choice. As the writing progressed, it became clear that the mature adult was in charge as the one who finally broke free. And whenever the child wanted pity from the world, I was able to listen and steer it back to my current self. Awakened and wise.
What do you hope is one thing readers take away from your story?
For those who are suffering in similar situations, I hope to prove that it is indeed possible to stand your own ground, to claim yourself back from those who take it from you at an early age when you do not have the tools yet to defend yourself and protect your being from harm. For those who had troubled childhoods and still battle the demons and consequences of it, I hope to be an example of choice. In every moment we have choice and it is only when we fall back into old patterns that we suffer. When we choose differently, we rise again. And finally, to those simply reading with compassion and curiosity, I hope to inspire gratitude for what they have, their ’normal’ upbringings and the privileges they take for granted. As Thomas Anderson, Editor in Chief of Literary Titan wrote himself about the memoir “I found myself reflecting on my own assumptions about strength, silence, and what it really means to survive when survival has become second nature.” If only the reader would reflect on that, I would be more than content at the impact of my memoir.
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In spite of complete neglect from his alcoholic narcissistic mother and his equally narcissistic, absent father, he performs, runs the household, becomes the parent, and survives. He ultimately becomes a globally recognised designer, painter, and pianist. Yet, behind his outward success, he carries the hidden injuries of a boy who was never truly seen.
Written with piercing insight and raw poetic clarity, this memoir maps a journey from emotional abandonment to self-acceptance. Through vivid chapters that unfold as stand-alone essays—each one a window into a particular ache, betrayal, or epiphany—the author unpacks themes of safety, love, identity, visibility, and healing. From Champagne Breakfasts and schoolyard humiliations to international acclaim and lovers who couldn’t stay, Remains of Silence explores the emotional choreography of a life spent dancing around rejection in search of home.
With a voice that is confessional yet composed, unflinching yet touched by a pinch of humour, Stef-Albert Bothma brings readers into the private terrain of healing what was once unspeakable. The result is a powerful narrative for anyone who has ever had to grow up too soon, live with abuse in an alcoholic environment, live unseen, or learn the difference between performance and love.
And despite it all, a testimony that it is indeed possible to overcome the impossilbe. That which was broken, built, and ultimately to become self. Unapolagetically and whole.
For readers of The Glass Castle, Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis, and The Hours, The Liars Club, and Invisible Girl––comes this brutally honest and raw story written from a place of wisdom and acceptance.
Remains of Silence : A Memoir of Breaking, Building, and Becoming
The memoir Remains of Silence is a raw and unflinching journey through a fractured childhood in South Africa and the long road toward healing and self-discovery. Stef-Albert Bothma recounts the turbulence of growing up with instability, neglect, and silence as constant companions, weaving together vignettes of fear, longing, and survival. The story traces his movement across landscapes both external and internal. From moments of danger on the road with an intoxicated mother, to nights of hunger and loneliness, to the later blossoming of a voice strong enough to speak truth, this book is both a testament to endurance and an offering of hope.
Reading this, I was struck by the stark honesty of the writing. It doesn’t hide behind fancy phrasing or soften the blow of hard truths. Instead, the words come at you plainly, almost like sitting across from someone who’s finally ready to say what they’ve never dared to. I felt anger rising at the injustices he endured as a child, and then a quiet admiration at his strength. The mix of sorrow and resilience pulled me in. There were moments when I had to set the book down just to breathe, but each time I picked it back up I was drawn deeper, eager to see how he pieced himself back together.
At times, the prose almost felt sharp, but that suited the story. Life in these pages isn’t polished, and the writing reflects that. What I appreciated most was the way Bothma balanced the heaviness with glimpses of beauty and grace. Small moments, like finding comfort in the kindness of strangers or the simple act of filling a tank of gas all the way full, took on the weight of triumph. The ideas in the book stirred something in me. I found myself reflecting on my own assumptions about strength, silence, and what it really means to survive when survival has become second nature.
I’d recommend this memoir to readers who value truth told without varnish, especially those who have lived through difficult beginnings or who seek stories of perseverance. It would also resonate with people drawn to reflections on family, memory, and the messy art of becoming whole. This book isn’t always easy to sit with, but that’s part of its power. It leaves you unsettled, moved, and somehow lighter for having walked alongside the author through the remains of his silence.
Pages: 357 | ASIN : B0FR2FLX4S
LITERARY TITAN 