Me and My Shadow – memoirs of a cancer survivor shares your story of battling cancer, your daughter’s diagnosis and treatment, and your decision to become a cancer nurse helping others. Why was this an important book for you to write?

Scarily, one in two of the population will be given a cancer diagnosis at some point in their lives and it remains the greatest fear in society. So, at the risk of sounding contrite (that is definitely not my intention) I wanted to give something back to society – to deliver a meaningful book that would help cancer patients and their loved ones.

I decided that if this piece of work was to achieve its objectives, then it had to be written from three perspectives in order that it would be different from any other survivorship chronicle. Firstly, my experience as an immature adolescent facing the turmoil of both the physical and psychological battle with cancer. This was then followed by the unimaginable trauma of having to confront and accept a cancer diagnosis of my four-year-old daughter and watch helplessly as she underwent chemotherapy, followed by the emotional journey of her terminal diagnosis. Third, I wanted this to provide an educational angle for healthcare professionals working in the challenging field of cancer services. Sadly, at the risk of sounding critical, there are nurses (and some in senior positions) who do not understand the psychological impact of a cancer diagnosis – I have witnessed this with my own eyes during my working career in cancer nursing.

I never intended to ‘just write my story;’ it had to have meaning and provide inspiration to not just the cancer patients themselves, but also their loved ones who are often left out of the cancer equation. Like me, they will need inspiration.

Moreover, I felt this would be a cathartic experience and would eliminate once and for all the demons that lurked in the canyons of my mind. Sadly, it failed to do that.

What were some ideas that were important for you to share in this book?

Everything, it had to be warts and all if it was going to have an impact. It was, however, important to include some humour along the way. Sadly, you cannot sugar-coat a cancer diagnosis, and although the treatments we deliver today are very different from the treatments I received in the seventies – today, we use less traditional chemotherapy and use more immunotherapies, immunomodulatory drugs, monoclonal antibodies, and a few vaccines, making them less aggressive by way of side effects. Nonetheless, cancer instills fear and like I did, everyone needs inspiration.

I appreciated the candid nature with which you told your story. What was the hardest thing for you
to write about?

As you would expect, recalling and writing about my daughter’s diagnosis, treatment, and then being told that she would not survive, brought about some chilling memories. I requested access to my medical records, and I was fortunate enough to be given that access. I needed that information to ensure I got the correct chronological order of the treatments, but paradoxically I wanted to confirm the actual terminal nature of my disease. So reading that, did hit me very hard, even though I clearly knew my own story – seeing it written in a legally binding document confirmed to me how fortunate I am. But, to be totally honest, even today, my cup is often half empty. I am burdened with a number of health-related issues (all as a consequence of the salubrious chemotherapy and radiotherapy I received almost fifty years ago), including another cancer battle, and I cannot help but wonder where my health will take me, luckily, my wife is constantly topping up my cup to make me realise how fortunate I am. ‘If you are fortunate enough to survive a cancer diagnosis, that legacy lives with you forever.’

What is one thing you hope readers take away from your story?

Undoubtedly inspiration – Me and My Shadow – memoirs of a cancer survivor is not a prescriptive guide in respect of how to deal with a cancer diagnosis – no such prescription exists. However, I would say to readers, take from my book whatever you can, hopefully, hope and inspiration, but feel free to criticise where you feel is appropriate because the cancer experience is an individual one and we all cope in different ways.

Finally, I would like to share a few words from the final chapter of my book. ‘Life is not a rehearsal – it is for living, a once-only opportunity to enjoy. Our future is uncertain; no one knows what lies ahead, what fate has planned. Never look back on your life unless you are prepared to smile and be reflective, never look forward unless you can dream–we all need dreams and we all need hope.’

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