Journey to Paradise is more than just a memoir; it is a guide to help others who are struggling to rebuild their self-esteem and find the kind of relationship that works for them, even if it is not traditional. Why was this an important book for you to write?

Simply put, I want to de-stigmatize non-traditional relationships and let readers know they are not alone when they feel they are not enough. That may come in different forms for each individual person and I wanted to share my journey so others could find solace in knowing that “the norm” is just a grouping of words. To find happiness in any path you choose, you have to experiment, you need to get uncomfortable, and you must embrace communication. The human experience gives us unique opportunities but there is also a similarity in those trials and triumphs that binds us all together. There are lessons to learn from everywhere. How someone chooses to love is a very personal journey. Self-esteem issues are prevalent in our society and to overcome those limiting beliefs, reflecting on your own actions are the key to unlocking self-love. I wanted to write this book to show you have control on the way you view yourself and the dynamics of your relationships.

You share your emotional journey and the challenges you faced to get where you are now. What were some ideas that were important for you to share in this book?

It’s okay to feel all the feelings. Acknowledge where you are today and discover what makes you tick. I had some challenging times but I had many more wonderful experiences. Being able to recognize those happy times helped me get through the rough patches, but that took lots of practice. Learning how to use my voice to speak up for myself, to verbalize what I needed, allowed me to move past the feelings of helplessness. You can’t control every situation, but you can control how you react. It took me many years to understand this concept. If I can help even one person learn this earlier than I did, I feel like I accomplished my goal in writing my story.

What is a common misconception you feel people have about ethical non-monogamy?

There are several that come to mind right off the bat, but I would say one of the most common misconceptions is that ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is just a phase until you find the right person. The idea of loving more than one person at a time is a hard concept for some to accept because we’ve been taught that you’ll eventually find “that special someone” who will make you want to settle down. The truth is that in most ENM dynamics, commitment to your partner/s is the core of the relationship. In order for the relationships to thrive, communication must be the focal point of everyday life to ensure everyone’s needs are met. In each dynamic there must be boundaries and parameters everyone agrees to. There is the same fundamental desire to make each partner feel fulfilled and loved. In my experiences with ENM versus monogamous relationships, there is a different level of connection within my ENM relationships because there are hard conversations that happen, and I have to acknowledge things about myself I wasn’t comfortable doing in monogamy. I do not mean that monogamy requires less communication or connection, it is just a different dynamic. I believe this particular misconception comes from a limited comprehension of our deepest levels of how to love. We try to fit different types of love into specific boxes but the reality is love is love; not everything has to fit into those boxes.

What is one thing you hope readers take away from your story?

Be present in your journey—don’t miss out on the good things waiting for what you want in that moment. Be okay with who you are—you are enough, but have self-awareness so you can grow. Be okay saying you want something different than is expected of you. Take care of you, because no one else knows what’s in your heart. Speak up for yourself.

My hope is that people take away these themes, regardless of their relationship status: single, dating, polyamorous or monogamous. We all experience the same basic struggles, and we all deserve to find true love.

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