Hydrangeas From Dad follows you through the devastating loss of your father and the mysterious hydrangea text he sent from beyond, opening into a courageous memoir of grief, soul, family, and spiritual healing. Why was this an important book for you to write?

First of all, I admired my dad for the man he became in the last 25 years of his life. Once he retired and no longer had to fully provide for 5 kids, a wife, and his mother, he became a real father to me. And I was gradually able to let him in after spending my childhood feeling detached from him. During retirement, Dad visited me several times a year, called frequently, and moved to FL, and was closer, so I could visit him. We finally had a relationship.

Secondly, I thought the way he lived his life was authentic, courageous, and full of gusto, and he encouraged me to live the same way. I told him when he was dying that I would write a book about him and his life, and I was committed to that promise.

And, the third reason was that his message to me from the afterlife was so powerful and life-changing that I knew I needed to share the story with others. My desire was to help others who had also lost a loved one, maybe a parent, to know with certainty that our soul relationships continue after the body is gone. I found that awareness to be so comforting during the early months and ongoing years of grieving that Dad was no longer physically with us. I trusted that others could find comfort in this story, too. And his message to me ignited the fire of complete authenticity in me to live my life fully and honestly! I wanted to share that message too, knowing that physical life as we experience it is short, but HOW we live prepares us for the possibility of a glorious afterlife.

What was the first thing you felt when you saw the text from your father’s phone with the photo of blue hydrangeas?

I was honestly shocked! I think my heart stopped beating, and I lost my breath for a moment. But my mind couldn’t process this, and I tried desperately to find another explanation other than this was Dad reaching out to me right after a man on television talked about how important it was to call your parents while they were still alive. I was trying to digest all of that. It was more of an emotional experience than it was anything cognitive. It was tumultuous! My gut was in knots. I stared at the screen in disbelief. And after a few moments, I convinced myself that my sister had planted a flower bush in Dad’s yard and used his phone to send me a picture of it. I needed to believe in that to get through the night and let my gut and heart settle down.

How did writing about your father’s final days change your relationship to those memories?

I commented to my siblings that they lived through my dad’s dying and moved on; and, I lived it off and on for 10 years, the length of time it took me to finish the manuscript. Writing about those 5 days of my dad’s dying kept me anchored in the experience of dying. It also helped me appreciate living even more because I now knew what it was like to have a loved one leave this physical world and their physical body. I became more intimately attached to death and dying and re-writing the definitions of this for myself. And, through this awareness, I knew that preparing oneself for the afterlife by HOW we lived in THIS life was the ultimate soul’s purpose.

Were there parts of your spiritual journey that you felt afraid or hesitant to share so openly?

After serious reflection on this question, I would have to say the part of my spiritual journey that I had hesitation or fear to share openly was about my venture into the world of shamanism. Not because of my own trepidation, but because I feared being judged harshly and my book being discredited because of that.

I live in the Bible Belt of the US. People are predominantly Christian, and fundamentally so. I consider myself a Christian, but open to receiving influence from many other religions as a spiritual seeker. Shamanism would be seen as a pagan practice by many. But I had to push through this fear of rejection and dismissal because my spiritual journey, prompted by my Dad’s text message from the afterlife, was and still is about being my TRUE self!

Now, I welcome questions from anyone. I love the opportunity to better explain how studying shamanism and the powerful rituals as they were taught by Don Oscar Miro Quesada, taught me how to fully and completely love! My heart was blocked by layers of anger, disappointment, and despair for most of my life. The practice of Anyi, “sacred reciprocity,” and the initiations and blessings received from don Oscar and the Universal Shamanism community removed the barriers I didn’t even know I had. Somehow, I was set
free, became lighter, more positive, and loving; and this has been a treasured gift.

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