Places We Left Behind shares your experiences of making a marriage work despite differences in culture and religion and even identifying where ‘home’ is. Why was this an important book for you to write?

When I was little, I remember my parents casting judgment on close friends after she left her husband and their two sons circa 1973. I remember my mother tsk, tsking that you never know what goes on behind closed doors.

Twenty-something years later, behind our doors, my husband and I flirted—and fought—about core issues: country and religion. For years, I thought our struggles were more intense and our issues more divisive than other marriages in my midst. Sure, I didn’t know what went on behind anyone else’s doors, but I envied friends who grew up in the same community/culture/country or who shared the same religious views/practices as their spouses.

While growing our family, we moved in search of home. Every time we met new people, I sensed an inability for them to digest our backstories: where we were born, how we met, why we had such a hard time planting roots. No matter how many times I shared the facts, I felt misunderstood or invisible, similar to how I felt in my family life.

Writing our story was my way of validating it—us—and why we stayed together despite our differences. It was also my way of trying to make sense of the choices we made, the deals we struck, the crossroads we reached. And in so doing, it reminded me of everything on my imaginary list of what I wanted in a life partner. Of love.

What were some ideas that were important for you to share in this book?

How crucial it is to stay awake and not become complacent in a relationship. How important it is to understand the meaning of compromise in a couple/family. How imperative it is to be open to change.

I appreciated the candid nature with which you told your story. What was the hardest thing for you to write about?

The lowest of our marital low points, the sleeping back-to-back in a bed of anger, the uttering of ugly thoughts, the acknowledgement of selfish and self-centered feelings. The chapters that made me teary not during the writing as much as while rereading and editing: 4 : 1, Truth or Lie? Heavy, Back in White Plains, Slay.

I understood that the only way to write this story was to turn the camera on myself, to reveal my underbelly. To stop pointing a finger at my husband and to accept the part I’d played in our marriage. And nothing about that was easy.

Writing in untraditional prose felt necessary; at times and ironically, the words did not suffice. By pushing conventional boundaries, I freed myself from everything that had encaged me, namely the role of Good Jewish Daughter/Wife/Mother (and Jewish Guilt). Long, long overdue.

What is one thing you hope readers take away from your story?

The importance of following your heart while maintaining a sense of self in a relationship. When I agreed to practice my inherited religion Philippe’s way, I let go of and lost myself.

On the writing front, the importance of playing on the page, which is both freeing and cleansing.

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