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What were some ideas that you felt were important to highlight in You, Me, We: Why We All Need a Friend at Work (and How to Show Up As One!)?
The most important idea that we wanted to highlight is that workplace relationships are the single biggest influencer of happiness, engagement, and productivity at work.
Morag Barrett’s first book, Cultivate – The Power of Winning Relationships, introduced the four relationship dynamics (Ally, Supporter, Rival, and Adversary) that make up the Relationship Ecosystem™. We’ve been leading workshops on the Relationship Ecosystem™ ever since, and kept getting the question, “How do I get more allies?” The short answer isn’t always what people want to hear, but it’s true: To have an ally you need to be an ally.
In You, Me, We we wanted to provide a guide that helped readers understand, practically, how they could do that. After more than a decade of research, interviewing thousands of leaders about what it means to show up as an ally to our colleagues, and creating a self-assessment tool that outlines what comes more naturally to people, we created a practical guide that would help readers to make intentional choices in how they show up in workplace relationships.
Central to the book is what we call the Ally Mindset, and it is made up of five practices; Abundance and Generosity, Connection and Compassion, Courage and Vulnerability, Candor and Debate, and Action and Accountability. We created the Ally Mindset Profile (available at skyeteam.cloud/youmewe) to provide readers with a solid foundation when deciding how to make intentional investments in critical stakeholder relationships.
What is a common misconception you feel people have about work friendships?
There are many misconceptions about workplace relationships. It’s been said that workplace friendships are not professional, that they can lead to favoritism, or that they aren’t even genuine (they’re misperceived as politicking and empire building). Some also argue that they will distract from productivity, or lead to complications when one friend inevitably leaves the organization.
While human beings are messy, and no two workplace friendships are alike, most of these ideas just don’t hold up in the real world. These misconceptions come from a place of scarcity. What we argue in the book is that beginning from a position of abundance, and showing up as our true authentic selves, workplaces flourish when friendships abound. People hold each other to a higher account, they tend to be more engaged, and measurably more productive when engaged in friendships at work. Our research and experience has shown that the health of our professional relationships is the most important factor when it comes to success in business and in life.
What is one piece of advice someone gave you that changed your life?
We spend a majority of our adult lives working, and the stresses of daily life are always in the picture. Eric used to struggle with worrying about personal things while he was at work, and then fretting about work things when he wasn’t. A mentor of his helped him to understand that there’s no such thing as work/life “balance.” There’s just life. A big old garbled mess of all things work, personal, and everything in-between. When you allow yourself to show up in every frame as your true self, everyone is better off. This isn’t to say that you should wear your emotions on your sleeve and share everything with anyone who will listen. It means that you acknowledge what’s going on on the inside for you, honor that, and let it be, versus trying to fit the entirety of human experience into discrete containers or labels like “work” and “home.” The most powerful lever in this mindset is leveraging the most important relationships you have around you, to support you, and to remind you that self-care is paramount. True allies have your back, no matter the circumstances, and that is a complete game changer!
What is one thing you hope readers take away from your book?
We want readers to find at least one piece of practical advice that they can use to make intentional investments in their most critical workplace relationships. The book serves more as a field guide than a linear narrative. We hope that people pick it up and flip to the chapter that most fits their current circumstances. If they’re having trouble being vulnerable, jump to the chapter on Courage and Vulnerability. If they find themselves employing a scarcity mindset, open up the section on Abundance and Generosity. Each chapter ends with a set of real-world tips, called Look Up, Show Up, Step Up, that readers can use in their workplace relationships today! While the stories in the book are compelling, they don’t need to be consumed like a novel. We hope this is a book that readers come back to time and time again. We want it to be that ratty, dog-eared, marked up book on desks that people use throughout their lives to help make their lives, and the lives of those around them a little bit lighter, a little bit better.
Author Links: Website
One of the most important indicators of individual, team, and organizational success is the presence of an ally mindset. When we have best friends at work—people who are with us, in good times and bad, and who help ensure we make it through together—we thrive. When we don’t, we flail, and eventually crash and burn, leaving only a smoking hulk of debris behind as evidence that they were ever even there.
Through their extensive work with clients that include Google, National Geographic, Microsoft, and many more, the authors have discovered the framework for an ally mindset includes five key parts:
– Abundance and generosity
– Connection and compassion
– Courage and vulnerability
– Candor and debate
– Action and accountability
In You, Me, We, they share valuable lessons on each of these aspects, to show you how to be a better friend at work, and how doing so leads to greater happiness, collaboration, and business outcomes.
You, Me, We.: Why we all need a friend at work (and how to show up as one!)
You, Me, We masterfully illustrates potent strategies for cultivating a spirit of kinship within any professional environment. Our modern work culture, often marred by individualism and isolation, can inadvertently foster an atmosphere of emotional detachment and gradually escalating conflict among team members. This book underscores the fundamental principle that prosperous professional relationships form the cornerstone of career success.
In order to cultivate such relationships, one must exercise intentionality. The objective should be a reciprocal connection, where both parties are invested in mutual growth. The authors highlighted the importance of proactive relationship building, highlighting a particularly notable section on transforming adversaries into allies. Adversarial relationships can often be traced back to mundane incidents, which, when recognized and addressed, can pave the way for constructive collaboration.
Embodying empathy and devoid of judgment, You, Me, We acknowledges the ease with which one can let negative relationships fester, ultimately staining the fabric of our professional lives. Through the lens of Fiona’s story, it delivers a cautionary tale, illuminating the destructive power of unchecked interpersonal issues at work while simultaneously reinforcing the notion that a strained relationship requires a concerted effort from both parties.
Framed through engaging, real-world narratives, the book feels akin to a conversation among friends. Its accessible language, corroborated by empirical evidence, reinforces its credibility and resonates with logic. You, Me, We is a harmonious blend of practical advice and thought-provoking insights, delivering an invigorating and rewarding reading experience that carries the potential to transform one’s professional life.
This narrative serves as a call to all professionals. While it applauds the merits of hard work, it emphasizes the value of camaraderie and mutual support in the journey to success. Leaders are prompted to foster an environment that encourages allyship, necessitating transformative actions at both individual and organizational levels. A thriving work culture hinges on leaders who genuinely support and collaborate with their staff as allies.
Written by Morag Barrett, Eric Spencer, and Ruby Vesely, this timely masterpiece serves as a gentle nudge to reembrace our social instincts as we navigate the post-pandemic work landscape. You, Me, We is an essential read for anyone seeking to purge negativity from their relationships, whether professionally or socially. Its messages are relevant to those desiring a more positive, fulfilling interpersonal existence.
Pages: 304 | ASIN : B09XV17RFW
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