“Whatever you’re feeling is okay.”
Posted by Literary Titan
Carry on Castle is a very personal story for you. How hard was it to put this story out in the world for people to read?
I discovered through my blog that I have the rare ability to talk about death and grief. I can handle it, I guess you could say. So many of my fellow widows have written to say, “This is exactly how I feel!” I had one thank me for sharing my story, because she didn’t feel brave enough to share hers.
I don’t think bravery has anything to do with it, but I am able to talk about death and grief. Not everyone can, but they can read my story and realize that they aren’t alone, that their feelings are normal. That is a strength that I didn’t realize I had in me.
I want to tell the truth. It’s not lollipops and rainbows. It’s death. I wasn’t going to tell people we were fine, because we were not fine. I wasn’t going to gloss over it. That would have been an injustice to Dan, to pretend I was okay with him being gone.
It was also important because I don’t want people to forget Dan. Please don’t forget Dan. Dan wanted to leave a legacy. He wrote,
“Our lives are but mist, or the equivalent of the blink of an eye in all of time. We will not be around very long and we will not be remembered. I want to leave a legacy; I want the time allotted to me to result in more than consumed resources and over-populating offspring. I want said offspring to know me, to know their history through me. I want lives and subsequent generations to be different because I was involved. I want to help people heal and be transformed…”
I want people to know what he did. How amazing he was. How much he loved the world. I am his story keeper now.
What is one piece of advice someone gave you that changed your life?
I was talking to my best friends about possibly dating again, and was ambivalent about it. I knew I would never find anyone like Dan so I didn’t see the point in trying. I wasn’t ready for marriage. I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to be married again. They told me, “You don’t have to try to find another husband. It’s okay just to find someone that you can go to a movie and have a conversation with.”
That changed my whole mindset about dating. I wouldn’t replace my husband, but I could go to a movie with someone. I signed up for online dating with that intention. I managed to get lucky, and found an incredible man who I am deeply in love with. My mother in law goes as far as to say that Dan picked him out for me. He is like Dan and wholly different from Dan at the same time.
What do you hope is one thing readers take away from your story?
“Whatever you’re feeling is okay.”
My best friends told me that a lot. When I messaged them in the middle of the night crying, it was okay. When I told them I wanted to punch Dan in the face, it was okay. When I laid on the floor because I couldn’t do life, it was okay. When I locked myself in my dad’s bathroom on Christmas because I couldn’t stop crying, it was okay. When I started taking antidepressants, that was okay too.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. You feel what you feel, you do what you have to do to survive. Don’t let anyone tell you you should be acting differently, especially people who have never been through it.
About Literary TitanThe Literary Titan is an organization of professional editors, writers, and professors that have a passion for the written word. We review fiction and non-fiction books in many different genres, as well as conduct author interviews, and recognize talented authors with our Literary Book Award. We are privileged to work with so many creative authors around the globe.
Posted on January 8, 2022, in Interviews and tagged author, author interview, biography, book, book recommendations, book review, book reviews, book shelf, bookblogger, books, books to read, Carry on Castle, ebook, goodreads, grief, Jennifer Stults, kindle, kobo, literature, memoir, nonfiction, nook, novel, read, reader, reading, story, writer, writing. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.
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