Don’t Poke the Bear: A Memoir About Recovering From Abuse By a Narcissist shares with readers your story of surviving an emotionally abusive marriage and how you eventually broke away and started healing. Why was it important for you to share your story?

For virtually my entire marriage, I lived in a state of bewilderment, not understanding how or why my husband was so easily provoked into a rage. I assumed he had a bad temper. It never occurred to me that he was abusive, and my eyes were only opened to that by a trusted advisor. After the breakup, I did a lot of research to better understand exactly what I had been dealing with. It was through that research that I learned that there were countless others experiencing similar circumstances. Many had situations that were worse than mine: they had little or no money, no support system, or the abuse included physical abuse. Many shared similar feelings of anxiety-filled confusion in dealing with their mates and the need to constantly walk on eggshells. I felt it was important to share my story for those who are still in these relationships, even though their guts constantly cry out that something is amiss. I hope that they can see that they are not flawed, but rather, the relationship and the other person in it is. I hope that once they see this, my book will give them the courage to get out and offer them hope for a better future. I hope my book will show them that there is peace and a good life waiting for them when they get out. For those who have escaped, I hope my book can offer them comfort, showing them that they are not alone, and that it was not their failing that caused the abuse. I also hope, that they too can be encouraged that they made the right decision and that life will be better for them in the future.

What were some ideas that were important for you to share in this book?

I think it is important that we each learn to love ourselves. Self-love is the beginning of healing. We have to forgive ourselves for getting into the relationship and perhaps staying longer than we should have. Everyone is dealing with difficulties, some harder than others, but we should never feel we are alone in what we are experiencing. Things are never as they seem to an outsider. No one has a picture-perfect life. A support system is vital to escaping. I was fortunate to have a great family and friends and my faith. For those who are isolated from family and friends, they need to actively seek out support whether at a faith-based organization or a shelter. There is peace on the other side, and it’s worth the pain to get there! Have courage!

What is one piece of advice you wish someone had given you when you were younger?

Never feel shame about sharing your story.

What is one thing you hope readers take away from your story?

I hope my readers see that they are beautiful and loved, that they deserve better than what they experienced with an abuser, and that if they are brave, they can find a way out and a happy future.

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