Divorce Is Not a Destination shares with readers your experiences and extensive work as a breakup and divorce coach so that they can navigate a post-divorce life and regain their own joy. What was the hardest thing for you to write about?

Of the taboo subjects I write about in Divorce Is Not A Destination, if I were to pick one that was more difficult than the others to address, it was sharing about how I contracted herpes. It was important, to be honest about my anger, frustration, confusion, and diminished trust while also owning my choices. Chapter 2 is where I cover the Loss Cycle, and it was the perfect place to share that experience in hopes that my story would support someone else in dealing with the emotional aspects of their situation.

In the last chapter, I do mention other taboo subjects. Even then, while I was willing to be vulnerable and honest about challenges and decisions, it was important that I didn’t derail people’s ability to stay focused on their own issues by sensationalizing mine.

The challenge for me was how to write a book that is, in many ways, about me yet still leaves space for the reader to find themselves in it so they can do their work as well.

What were some ideas that were important for you to share in this book?

Key ideas for me include the framework of Accountability, Alignment, Communication, and Trust (A.A.C.T.). I truly believe using the AACT framework can put a person on their path to healing and experiencing joy. It is normal to hurt when we lose someone we love. I want people to embrace the fact that our emotions can teach us so much, and we need to learn from what we’re feeling so we can move into healing.

Another key idea is to be okay with challenging beliefs you haven’t explored or experienced yourself, especially when those beliefs leave you feeling shameful, guilty, or inadequate. There is something unhealthy about holding onto pain because it’s connected to someone we appreciate or admire.

Finally, I can’t say the phrase don’t be so hard on yourself was an idea because I think it’s okay to challenge yourself with difficult questions. It’s part of being accountable, which might not be easy at first. I think we could be more intentional about being kind and loving to ourselves. At the end of the day, I hope that the reader understands and embraces the importance of working on, loving on, and believing in oneself.

What is one thing you hope readers take away from your book?

Trust yourself! Whether you call it listening to your gut, your inner wisdom, or discernment, when we trust that voice inside of us, we learn we can face whatever life brings our way. We are perfectly designed to live our unique lives. This doesn’t mean we live anxiety-free; it means we learn to tap into a courage and curiosity that can carry us through challenges. It means we can cry, feel hurt, be disappointed, and know where and when to go for solace and support. We can sit in the emotion, knowing it’s temporary. Trusting yourself opens the door to believing that life is happening for you and not to you. That breeds confidence. And that’s joyful.

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