Life After Narcissists is a trauma-informed guide for women reclaiming themselves after narcissistic relationships by using psychological insight and holistic recovery tools. What first made you realize that your childhood experiences were shaping your adult relationships?

When I was much younger, I didn’t feel it had any impact whatsoever, which was very naive of me…. It wasn’t until around eight or so years ago that I was deep into researching narcissistic abuse, and I was living in a very quiet rural town where I had time to work on myself. The realisations began to bubble up, so I could really take the time to look at the past in order to move forward.

What are some subtle signs of narcissistic dynamics that women often miss or minimize?

One of the more subtle signs is the beginning of the devaluation that is disguised as “a joke.” When you don’t find it funny, they will take the opportunity to say that you are being “too sensitive,” to “lighten up,” or that “you’re being overly dramatic.” Because it’s intermittent and out of character for them to speak and behave in this way, you end up agreeing or maybe even apologising for them devaluing you.

There are so many more, though, that one is so subtle that women start to believe over time that they might just be “too sensitive,” and start doubting their own judgment.

What is the Hogan Method, and how did it evolve from your clinical practice?

It’s a twenty-six-week programme that works to rebuild and reclaim from a physical, mental, and emotional perspective. It evolved from the women whom I’ve seen in practice, as well as my own journey, because this recovery takes time, patience, and gentleness.

I’ve seen many physical maladies accompanying the emotional pain that these women carry. The Hogan Method works with complementary medicine support from a physical perspective first to help address any underlying dietary or nutrient deficiencies that can occur when under prolonged stress. This provides a good foundation for their healing journey.

What does “being happy again” actually look like in real life—not in theory?

This is a great question, and it’s different for different people. One of the phrases I’ve heard often is “I don’t know who I am anymore,” because they have been devalued to the point of not trusting in their own thoughts due to the trauma bonds that are created. So a big one is rediscovering who they are, what they want out of life, and what they are passionate about. For some, it’s being able to have healthy boundaries in place, and for others, it’s being able to go into a room of people without being hypervigilant. It can be the settling down of the nervous system, so you can feel joyful again rather than running on adrenaline. I think one of the main outcomes for many is being surrounded by peace and calm.

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