No Perfect Love is a self-help book designed to help couples communicate and work through common relationship issues and concerns. Why was this an important book for you to write?

As a psychologist who has been counseling individuals and couples for the last 30 years, I have found myself struggling to find a book to recommend to my patients which addresses many of the challenges we all have in our relationships, in particular the disappointment that occurs when we realize that our expectations for a perfect partner are let down. In the past there have been many books written about the challenges of overcoming our own perfectionism, as well as many books that address couples therapy issues. However, there has not been a book that addresses the perfectionistic expectations we put on our partners, our children and the other important relationships in our lives. This book encourages us to let go of our perfectionistic expectations of others in order to be more authentic and present in our relationships.

What do you feel is the most common pitfall in a relationship that couples struggle to work through?

The most common pitfall in a relationship is not communication problems. It is much deeper than that. It is a lack of being connected and present in our relationships. What this looks like is when a husband doesn’t look up from the game when his wife enters the room. It is when a couple is on a date and they both spend the whole time scrolling on their phones. It is the man saying that his partner is in front of him but is looking past him.

What is one piece of advice you would give couples that are struggling to make things work?

We all want to know that our partners see us, care that we are here and believe that we are enough for them without needing us to be better in some way. We want to know that we are special by the way they look at us.

My advice is simply that we take an extra second to look at the other person. We allow our eyes to sparkle as we smile. We truly connect. Connection is not based on the amount of time we spend with someone but the quality of our presence. Being present does not require meditation, deep breaths or any mantra. It is simply a decision. “Ok, I’m going to be present now. I will smile with my eyes and listen to what the other person is saying. I will do my best to communicate that I am happy the other person is here.”

What is the next book you are working on and when will it be available?

I am not working on a new book currently. Instead, I am just catching my breath in order to slow down and be present in my own life. I am showing up to clap loudly at my oldest daughter’s college graduation. I am laughing wholeheartedly at my younger daughter’s escapades. I am watching my son play tennis matches and enjoying sharing all of the little moments, and the ups and downs of life with my husband.