How I Understand It is a blend of poetry, memoir, therapy-informed reflection, and guided self-inquiry. Did you write these poems with a specific audience in mind, or was it a more personal endeavor?

Writing poetry–especially what I call Bad Poetry is always a personal endeavor, near and dear to my heart and my experiences. Because of this, taking my poems public has been a very vulnerable exercise. It is perhaps because this book has been the most vulnerable project I have engaged in that it has also produced the most delight and been one of the most rewarding experiences.

When I first started writing, I was writing specifically for an audience of one: my young daughter. I felt compelled to transmit information, my hard-earned wisdom, my therapeutic insights, to her in a way that would be accessible, engaging, and informative. I wanted to make a reference tool that she could return to throughout her life, one that would be a source of comfort and guidance if I could not be there in person. (I wanted to make not just something that she could refer to, but something that she would want to refer to.) I wanted her to know me, what I wish for her, and what I have learned about resilience that would be useful to her in different phases of her life. To my surprise, once I started writing, I found that poetry was the best vehicle for this project. The poems that became the core content of the collection poured out of me, one after the other. In writing for my daughter, I found myself all over again, and eventually realized that I was writing as much for me as I was for her. Once I finished writing the collection of poetry, the experience was so profoundly moving that I knew I wanted to extend the project further and bring it to a wider audience.

I started writing the book as a mother doing a very private project. But, as a therapist, I knew that the content of the collection would appeal to a wider audience. I’ve worked with enough clients to know that the topics covered in the book are topics everyone ponders. Bad Poetry is something everyone can do and benefit from. Bad Poetry helps us connect to ourselves and others in meaningful ways. Bad poetry helps us discover the strength within our vulnerabilities. Moving forward with publication was, in a sense, an embodiment of the Bad Poetry ethos.

In my profession, I have taught and experienced creative writing and particularly the healing powers of poetry. There is something magical that happens when we take important information, condense it, and infuse it with layers of emotion, with pieces of ourselves. Our ability to gain insight into ourselves grows. Our ability to engage in perspective-taking increases. Our resilience improves. And- who wouldn’t want that? This poetry collection is for everyone.

The book draws from your experiences as a therapist, mother, former spouse, and individual navigating life’s challenges. How did you balance personal vulnerability with professional insight?

I’ve always been a practical person. And, to me, poetry became appealing when I started to understand its practical applications and specifically how I could use it as a tool for self-improvement, insight, and growth. It is much easier for me to be vulnerable if I understand why I’m doing it and that my vulnerability is serving a purpose worth pursuing. The private matters I discuss in the book, I do so with intentionality and purpose.

Additionally, my book is all about how I understand my experiences and life. I don’t know that I can separate my understanding of my experiences from my professional insights because my profession has informed me and shaped me profoundly. Becoming a therapist has given me the language to talk about my experiences in a way that I find deeply satisfying.

What misconceptions about healing do you encounter most often?

So many that it is hard to list!

I will say this: More often than not, healing requires us to confront pain, hold it, and metabolize it.

Many people believe that they cannot handle pain. That to confront the emotional pain would be too life-threatening. It is, in fact, more life-threatening to avoid your own emotions and pain. It leads to so much disconnection, suffering, and stagnation- much more so than if you took the initiative to confront, hold and metabolize it.

If you are anything like I once was, and thought that poetry was a frivolous, self-indulgent luxury, I have news. Bad Poetry is a way to take the initiative and gently metabolize pain, at your own pace. And it works!

What do you hope readers take away from the sections dealing with relationships and codependency?

Hope!

Everyone wants love, to have it, to give it… Humans are wired for connection. We just can’t help ourselves. Relationships are wonderful. Connections and especially romantic connections are ways that we learn more about ourselves, and they are how we learn how to give and receive love. Difficulties in relationships, such as codependency issues, are invitations to examine our relationship with ourselves and erroneous conceptions that we might have about what constitutes love. It is worth the effort to fully be present for your relationships, to listen to your emotions… It makes space for real love to grow.

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