In Love with My 5 Wives presents an unflinching memoir that navigates the tumultuous waters of a life marred by abuse and the challenging journey toward personal redemption. Why was this an important book for you to write?

Great question. This book was important for me to write because it sheds light on issues that many men may not even realize affect them on a subconscious level. I wanted to draw a parallel and connect the dots between child abuse, race, and mental illness.

Many men might carry the weight of past traumas without fully understanding how these experiences shape their behaviors and emotions. Child abuse, for example, often leaves deep scars that can influence every aspect of a man’s life. It’s crucial to acknowledge these impacts openly, so men can begin to heal and move forward. 

Mental illness and race are also critical topics that need more attention, especially among men, who might feel pressure to appear strong and unaffected. By sharing my wife’s battle with psychosis and my own struggles with child abuse, race and mental illness, I aim to destigmatize these conversations and encourage men to seek help when needed.

In connecting these themes, I hope to provide a comprehensive view of how interconnected and complex these issues are. My goal is to inspire men to reflect on their own lives, recognize the impact of their experiences, and understand that the abuse they suffered doesn’t define their identity and healing is possible.

I appreciated the candid nature with which you told your story. What was the hardest thing for you to write about?

Another great question but I have to answer it in two parts:

First, it was incredibly challenging for me to revisit the abuse and torture I endured during my childhood. Despite the years that have passed and the numerous lectures I’ve given, it remains a difficult topic to discuss and, in this case, write about. Writing about my childhood abuse forced me to confront painful memories that I had long tried to put behind me. Each word I wrote felt like peeling back layers of old wounds, which was emotionally exhausting. It was a process that required me to relive some of the darkest moments of my life, which was anything but easy.

Similarly, detailing my wife’s struggles with psychosis was heart-wrenching. Her auditory, visual, tactile and command hallucinations were vivid and terrifying, and they often left her, and me, feeling helpless and lost. Writing about those times brought back a flood of emotions and memories. It was a sobering reminder of the fragile line between health and illness, and the impact it had on our lives was profound.

The process of sharing these topics was therapeutic in many ways, but it also reopened old wounds. There were many nights when I found myself overwhelmed with emotion, unable to sleep because the memories were so vivid. Despite the difficulty, I knew that sharing my story was important. It was my way of reaching out to others who might be going through similar experiences, offering them a sense of hope and understanding.

What were some ideas that were important for you to share in this book?

One of the main ideas I wanted to convey was the idea that we are never too old to change. Life often throws challenges our way, and sometimes those challenges come in the form of deep wounds from past childhood experiences. It’s crucial to recognize that healing is always possible, no matter our age or the length of time we’ve carried our burdens.

Another important idea I wanted to share is that past does not define us; rather, it shapes us and contributes to our unique strengths. Each individual who has endured any form of abuse often underestimates their own resilience. The very fact that we’ve survived and continued to move forward demonstrates our profound inner strength. 

The healing journey is personal and different for everyone, but it’s important to remember that it’s never too late to start. Every step taken towards healing is a testament to our courage and our capacity for growth.

What is one thing you hope readers take away from your story?

One thing I hope readers take away from my story is that love, particularly self-love, is an incredibly transformative force that has the power to heal wounds from the past. When we cultivate self-love, we begin a journey that allows us to address and mend the emotional scars we carry.

Self-love involves recognizing our worth and treating ourselves with kindness and compassion. This practice enables us to forgive ourselves for past mistakes and allows us to move forward with a sense of peace and empowerment. By embracing self-love, we create a safe space within ourselves where healing can take place.

Ultimately, when we love ourselves, we set a powerful example for others. By prioritizing self-love, we unlock the ability to overcome past hurts, help mend broken relationships, and face the future with confidence and hope.

Author Links: GoodReads