In your memoir, In the Shadow of Many, you confront generations of family trauma, addiction, and buried secrets as you break destructive cycles and reclaim your life. When did you first realize that sharing your experiences might help others facing similar struggles?

Finding a place where you feel like you’re not alone is a good first step. For me it was 12 Step meetings. Understanding that I didn’t have to know what to do, there was always someone who did because they went through it themselves. I realized early on that I didn’t have to have it all figured out to help someone. That maybe, for example, I only had a hundred days clean and sober, but to the person who has one day, those hundred days are huge.

How did examining your family history change your understanding of the behaviors and relationships that shaped your upbringing?

Each person has to find sources that resonate with them, but for me, it was John Bradshaw’s The Family that articulated what I observed but could not explain about my family. I was a living embodiment of the consequences of our dysfunction but felt powerless to change it until I could see the whole picture. What I appreciated about it most was that he wasn’t blaming anyone. It was an honest look into my family dynamics that looked at our collective traumas as a reason, not an excuse, for why my family was the way it was. Once I could see it differently, I could see what I needed to change about myself.

What practical tools or approaches have been most meaningful in helping you develop healthier relationships, boundaries, and ways of responding to difficult emotions?

For myself, I was willing to grab onto anything that could help me see the truth about myself. I had only survival skills and few living skills. I went to seminars, self-help books, 12-step meetings, therapy, and watched a ton of documentaries. It wasn’t enough to tell me to just change; I needed to know how to change because I honestly didn’t know how.

What would you say to readers who recognize their own family dynamics in your memoir but feel uncertain about where to begin making changes?

The change happens the minute you choose to do something different. Families are so complicated that there’s not just one thing that fixes it; be open-minded. Some people will need to separate from their families, and some are just waiting for you to come home. Some things can be worked out in small increments, and some will need major changes. It’s not going to be easy; the more dysfunctional it is, the messier it could get, but it only takes one person to decide they can’t do it anymore that changes the whole dynamic. Some families are waiting for someone to come along who has the strength to call it out, and some people will have the fight of their lives to change it. I had the fight of my life, but it was worth every struggle.

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