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The Hand I Was Dealt
In Life and How to Live It: Near Wild Heaven, you share with readers the trauma, confusion, and the beliefs that shaped you. Why was this an important book for you to write?
I started writing my memoir series in 2019, after witnessing my only sibling pass away at the age of 45. She was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer that took her within four months she was diagnosed.
I got to the hospice she was in, which was an 8-hour drive away, just in time to see her take her last gagging breath. It was something that shocked me to my core.
I decided soon after that I had to do something with my life. This death was just another tragedy that my life was full of.
I started writing my memoir shortly after about my childhood growing up in poverty in Philadelphia. I grew up in the 80s and 90s in a rundown, lower-class neighborhood called Kensington. My father was a long-time heroin addict, and my mother was a devout evangelical born-again Christian. This was how I entered the world and the hand I was dealt.
The first book chronicles how I entered such rotten conditions and what I found along the way to keep me going. Mainly friends I made, and especially the popular music of the times. R.E.M. was a huge influence on me. So much so that the book series’ title and subtitles are from songs from the band.
The first one ends with me in an emotional predicament that leaves me feeling numb from the trauma I experienced so far by the age of 17.
This installment picks up right after and shows a kid full of confusion and no options in life, trying to pick up the pieces of his life and find his way.
The first book is more of a launching pad for my story. This one is the real beginning of how I lived and tried to find meaning in it all.
It’s the beginning of my sort of wild years. Hence why I call it Near Wild Heaven. I show how I lived my teen years without many filters or boundaries on. I show how I live in the moment as much as I can and try to figure out this life we are all in. Along the way, I tell stories of the girls I fell for, run-ins with local cops, meeting people who were out to make me feel bad about being myself, mental health problems that plagued me, and running down dreams that were never coming to me.
It was important for me to get these out to show I didn’t just live in vain. I experienced these moments, and I think they’re worth telling.
I appreciated the honesty with which you tell your story. What was the most difficult thing for you to write about?
When I started writing this series, I knew I just wanted to tell it like it was. I wanted to be honest about everything. The problem there was that I had to relive some painful memories. I remembered everything that happened to me back, but putting it to paper and explaining how things happened and how they made me feel was a bit difficult to do. The worst part was the telling of meeting people who questioned my faith in humanity. I met people who were so cruel and ugly to me at such a young age that it left me feeling insecure and constantly conflicted about how I saw my fellow man. People who were just out to manipulate and kill my positive energy did a number on my mental state and my views on society in general for a bit back then. I couldn’t grasp why some people would just be downright ugly to people who did nothing to them. Then I realized some people don’t have the courage to be decent human beings.
Did you learn anything about yourself as you were putting this book together?
Writing this book was at first a bit difficult. I was writing these during the Covid lockdown. So all I did then was work (I was an essential worker) and write. There wasn’t much entertainment or distractions going on then. So reliving some of this put me in a dark place for a while. When I got out of the time periods I found most troubling to write about, and started to get the editing done, I felt a sense of accomplishment or a reminder of who I was then and how I hope that self is still alive in me now. This book is set when I was 17/18 and I was full of ambition and passion for life. 30 years later, it’s harder to have such fire in life. No matter how one is raised, 30 years of life takes a toll on you. Writing this one and what is going to be the next one (that’s being edited now and is the same time frame) was a reminder of who I am to the core and how I can’t ever forget that.
What advice would you give to someone who is considering sharing their own memoir with readers?
My advice is to be honest and try to write from your experiences, but also think of how others might read or see it. Try to explain how things happened, but make sure it’s universal as much as so the reader can relate and understand the situations.
Author Links: GoodReads | Instagram | Facebook | Website | Amazon
In the gripping second volume of his memoir series, Chaz Holesworth steps out of the wreckage of his Philadelphia childhood and into a new wilderness: adolescence, longing, awakening, and the dangerous freedom of life beyond the rules that once defined him.
Raised in a world where faith meant fear and obedience meant survival, Chaz enters his teenage years numb and isolated. Emotions are weakness. Questions are sin. Desire is the enemy. But when first love cracks open the cage, and forbidden music floods in, everything he has been taught about identity, God, and himself begins to unravel.
With every lyric he wasn’t allowed to hear, and every mile he runs from home, Chaz discovers pieces of a self he never knew he could claim. Friends become family. Music becomes prayer. And movement becomes the only escape from a growing storm of shame, confusion, and spiritual fallout he doesn’t yet have language for.
Drugs, heartbreak, adventure, and raw curiosity collide as Chaz tries to live fast enough to stay ahead of his past. But survival has a cost, and reclaiming his voice means confronting everything silence once protected him from.
Lyrical, honest, and unflinchingly human, Life and How to Live It: Near Wild Heaven is a coming-of-age memoir about breaking indoctrination, surviving first love, and learning to choose life after years of enforced silence. Set against the pulse of mid-90s music and youth culture, it is a story for anyone who has ever tried to outrun their past, or finally stopped running.
Words Are Powerful
WORDS TO THINK. OR TO SING. is a collection of poetic meditations delivered in short verses, reflections, and fragments resembling journal entries. What inspired you to write this particular collection of poems?
Words to Think. Or to Sing. was created to connect pop music lovers, curious minds, thoughtful people, and poetic souls through sonorous art, right from its earliest stage. Music artists usually keep their process mostly private while creating, maybe occasionally sharing some behind-the-scenes after everything is ready and available to stream. I wanted to offer a glimpse into my mind and soul from the beginning of the story in an original, special manner instead, and thought that poetic parts of my pop songs in progress, paired with little insights about their meanings, would be a great way to introduce myself.
What was the biggest challenge you faced in putting together this poetry collection?
This publication actually consists of lyric excerpts from pop songs I plan to release one at a time, so it can’t be considered a traditional, classic poetry collection. Modern poetry felt like the closest category to classify it. The biggest challenge lay exactly in this multifaceted nature. Although my songwriting style in general could be described as minimalistic, poetic, and relatable, I had to choose which passages worked well as stand-alone excerpts that could best support this concept of teasing songs while inspiring self-reflection and conversations through selected snippets.
How do you approach writing about deeply personal or emotional topics?
When something catches my attention longer than usual, whether positive or not, I often start to play with words to describe what the situation means to me. It feels like processing or closure, which then, when explored further, can become tuneful. From there, some of these ideas might turn into song concepts, lyric excerpts, and one day, songs to stream. In doing so, I like to use deep but accessible metaphors which come from living life with an open heart and mind. That is my biggest inspiration. For instance, in the excerpt called VANISH, which is about unfulfilled, fading written promises, you can find a delicate interplay between light and rain symbolizing the alternating moments of healing or relief and the recurring storm inside. While both sunlight and tempests consume that piece of paper keeping those promises present and alive, time passes and the words fade as the mind finds its peace. I don’t want to spoil too much, but I hope you will get the chance to read it and maybe one day, even sing some of your favorite lines together with me at the top of our lungs. I think it’s a pretty cool perspective to know that the book is not the end, but just the beginning. Other authors write sequels. I do songs and artistic multimedia concepts from the shared fragments of this work.
How has this collection changed you as a writer, or what did you learn about yourself through writing it?
Deciding to curate and publish this book first, instead of following the usual song-release model, is another testament that I’m not the type for those rushed rides the industry is used to, nor to support a fast-food art approach. That’s why I’m inviting everyone interested to join me in this unique evolving music journey instead. Words are powerful, and if set to music, they become even more memorable and emotional. I want them to linger a little longer and deeply connect with those resonating with all this. Music has always been profoundly meaningful and empowering to me. I would be more than glad and truly honored to become a long-time companion to the readers.
Author Links: GoodReads | Websites
Not with the words, not with the melody, but with a feeling.
Becoming a vision, becoming lines, becoming a complete piece of sonorous truth meant to be shared to unite people who resonate with it.
A mystical, fascinating process you can now be part of.
INTENSIA, a new heartfelt, poetic singer songwriter likely to belong with your favorite pop music companions, is turning the traditional release model upside down, inviting you to look into her soul and mind before anyone else.
Be among the first to witness this spark before her distinctive voice echoes through the world. This unique approach offers an unprecedented glimpse into evolving art, so you can feel and enjoy the essence of her songs before they are even complete.
Dive into this curated collection of lyric excerpts and emotional snapshots from pop songs in progress. Each piece stands on its own as a modern, poetic message, paired with brief reflections about the meaning or emotions behind the words.
It is more than something to read. It is a space to pause, reflect, and connect, with room for your thoughts and reflections too. Write what moves you, what you feel, what you dream. This book and its songs to be are meant to accompany you wherever you go.
For even more space to express yourself, the companion notebook PLACE TO THINK. OR TO WRITE. (ISBN 978-3-911445-02-3) is available as a dedicated space.
WORDS TO THINK. OR TO SING. out 26 June 2025 on Amazon. Paperback (ISBN 978-3-911445-00-9), eBook (ISBN 978-3-911445-01-6).
Join INTENSIA’s free Intense Inside Club at http://www.intensia.music and discover this special music developing experience as it unfolds, where connection begins as songs come to life.
#intensiawords
WORDS TO THINK. OR TO SING.
Intensia’s Words to Think. Or to Sing. is a collection of poetic meditations that bounce between philosophy, humor, identity, and raw emotion. Structured as a notebook of short verses, reflections, and fleeting thoughts, the book offers a tapestry of lyrical fragments that read like journal entries or inner monologues caught mid-thought. It doesn’t follow a clear narrative. Instead, it invites the reader to wander, pause, laugh, and ponder. The voice shifts freely, sometimes abstract, sometimes punchy, often surprising. At its heart, this book is a dance between the silly and the sacred, the vulnerable and the absurd.
I enjoyed how unfiltered it all felt. There’s this wild honesty in the way the author jumps from introspective sadness to cheeky self-mockery. One line made me laugh. Another hit me hard. And somehow, they sat right next to each other like old friends. I love when a book doesn’t try to be tidy. This one doesn’t even pretend. It’s messy in a good way. It feels like real thought, like someone actually thinking on the page instead of crafting perfect poetry. That made it feel alive. The kind of alive that’s a little chaotic and a little beautiful.
Some bits felt so random I had to reread them three times to decide if they meant something. And I liked that feeling, though I imagine it could drive other readers nuts. There’s no clear plot, no through-line, and the tone switches gears fast. I personally enjoy that kind of unpredictability. It reminded me of flipping through a notebook someone left behind on a park bench, strange, funny, haunting, and kind of thrilling.
I’d recommend this book to people who like their literature weird and personal and a little rough around the edges. If you’re into poetry that feels more like a whisper or a smirk than a polished performance, you’ll probably love this. Artists, songwriters, or anyone who finds inspiration in broken lines and passing moods will find gold in here.
Pages: 104 | ASIN : B0F9RR5TK9
