Blog Archives
My Mother Was an Asshole: How to Recognize, Survive, and Heal from Covert Narcissistic Abuse
When I picked up My Mother Was an Asshole, I expected a raw memoir, and that’s exactly what I found, but it was also more than that. Tammy Drost takes us through her personal story of growing up with a covertly narcissistic mother, explaining what that abuse looked like behind closed doors. She moves from her childhood experiences of manipulation, silence, and conditional love to the heavy family roles she was forced into, and finally to the healing work she’s done to reclaim her identity. The book weaves her own memories with clear explanations, reflection prompts, and encouragement for survivors who are still carrying similar wounds. It’s both a testimony and a guide.
Reading this, I felt an odd mix of relief and sorrow. Relief because so many of her stories and observations rang true, as if she was putting words to things that never quite made sense until now. Sorrow because the pain she describes is the kind that lingers for decades and shapes entire lives. Her writing doesn’t hold back. She paints the covert narcissist not as the dramatic caricature we often picture, but as the smiling, churchgoing, casserole-bearing woman who suffocates her child with guilt instead of shouting. I appreciated the way she broke down family roles like the golden child, the scapegoat, the lost child, the mascot, and the flying monkeys. It made me think hard about how dysfunction assigns identities we never asked for.
At the same time, I was struck by how much courage it must have taken for her to write this book. It’s blunt, sometimes funny in a cutting way, and often gut-wrenching. There were parts I had to put down for a moment because the stories hit too close to home. But then I’d pick it up again, because the voice she writes in feels like sitting across from a friend who finally dares to say the thing you’ve both been swallowing for years. The writing isn’t clinical or dressed up in jargon. It’s plainspoken, raw, and full of the kind of honesty that makes you squirm, then breathe easier.
I would recommend this book to anyone who has ever walked away from a family gathering with that hollow feeling of “what just happened?” and couldn’t put their finger on why. It’s especially for daughters of narcissistic mothers, but I think anyone tangled in family dysfunction will find pieces of themselves here. It’s not always an easy read, but it’s a necessary one, and it leaves you feeling less alone. For me, that’s the highest praise I can give. It’s a book that tells the truth, even when the truth hurts.
Toxic Relationships
Diane Pomerantz Author Interview
Lost in the Reflecting Pool is a candid retelling of your life and the many trials you faced throughout. Why was this an important book for you to write?
It was an important book for me to write Lost in the Reflecting Pool for several reasons. On a personal level, writing was a way for me to process some very difficult, and traumatic times in my life. The act of writing itself, allowed me to gain enough distance and perspective to gain understanding that I don’t think I would have otherwise gained.
Equally important, my book covers many issues that are of particular relevance to women and men in terms of toxic relationships, narcissism, trusting the red flags that one sees early on in relationships and I think that it is important that these are important issues for the general population to be aware of as they enter into relationships.
You wrote about a relationship with a man that you struggled to break free of; what is one piece of advice you wish you had at the beginning?
Trust what I saw – and to not ignore what I saw.
The book is a memoir about many difficult things in your life, but the story is ultimately uplifting. What do you hope readers take away from your book?
I hope that people will take away from my story that it is possible to change to course of one’s life even when things feel as if there is no way out – things can get better. Developing a support system is essential. When in a toxic relationship make sure that one does not allow oneself to become isolated from all other supports (friends and family).
What is the next book that you are writing and when will it be available?
I am currently working on a psychological thriller, Call Me Angel which should be available late 2020 and I am working on two children’s books.
Author Links: GoodReads | Facebook | Website | Twitter
![Lost in the Reflecting Pool: A Memoir by [Pomerantz, Diane]](https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/41nkLYogIsL.jpg)
When Diane, a psychologist, falls in love with Charles, a charming and brilliant psychiatrist, there is laughter and flowers—and also darkness. After moving through infertility treatments and the trials of the adoption process as a united front, the couple is ultimately successful in creating a family. As time goes on, however, Charles becomes increasingly critical and controlling, and Diane begins to feel barraged and battered. When she is diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer, Charles is initially there for her, but his attentiveness quickly vanishes and is replaced by withdrawal, anger, and unfathomable sadism. What Diane previously thought were just Charles’ controlling ways are replaced by clear pathologic narcissism and emotional abuse that turns venomous at the very hour of her greatest need.
A memoir and a psychological love story that is at times tender and at times horrifying, Lost in the Reflecting Pool is a chronicle of one woman’s struggle to survive within—and ultimately break free of—a relationship with a man incapable of caring about anyone beyond himself.
LITERARY TITAN 