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Expectation Underneath the Emotion
In The Reset Self, you help readers understand how early family dynamics, social pressures, and constant performance create resentment, anxiety, and burnout. Why was this an important book for you to write?
I wrote this book because I kept seeing the same pattern over and over again, in myself and in other people. Smart, capable, self-aware individuals who were doing everything “right,” but still felt exhausted, resentful, or quietly disconnected from their own lives.
The common thread wasn’t a lack of effort or insight. It was that they were trying to improve a version of themselves that was never really theirs to begin with.
Most of us are living in roles we learned early on, roles that helped us stay safe, be accepted, or be loved. But those roles don’t disappear when we grow up. They just get more sophisticated. And eventually, they start to cost us.
This book exists because I wanted to offer something different. Not another way to fix yourself, but a way to question who is doing the fixing in the first place.
You make a distinction between the “role-self” and the real person. How did you come to recognize that difference in your own life or work?
It didn’t happen all at once. It was more of a slow realization that the way I was showing up in different areas of my life felt… consistent, but not necessarily true.
I could see how my reactions were patterned. Predictable. Almost scripted. Especially in moments of stress or conflict. And when I looked closer, those patterns always traced back to something learned, not something chosen.
That’s when the distinction became clear. There’s the version of you that was built through conditioning, through expectations, roles, and adaptation. And then there’s something underneath that, something quieter but more stable.
The “role-self” reacts automatically. The real person has choice.
Once you see that difference, even briefly, you can’t unsee it. And that’s where real change starts.
Of all the tools you introduce, which one tends to create the biggest shift for readers when they try it?
The biggest shift usually comes from something very simple: recognizing the expectation underneath the emotion.
Most people think they’re reacting to what happened. But they’re actually reacting to what they believed should have happened.
When someone starts catching that in real time, “What did I expect here?” everything changes. Because suddenly the reaction makes sense. It’s not random. It’s not a personality flaw. It’s a script being broken.
That moment creates space. And once there’s space, there’s choice.
It’s subtle, but it’s one of the most powerful shifts in the entire process.
What is one thing you hope readers take away from The Reset Self?
That they are not broken.
Not in a surface-level, reassuring way, but in a very literal sense. The exhaustion, the anxiety, the resentment, it’s not evidence of something wrong with them. It’s evidence of something learned that no longer fits.
If someone can walk away with that and start questioning the roles they’ve been living inside of instead of trying to perfect them, then the book has done its job.
Because from that point on, they’re no longer trying to fix themselves. They’re starting to come back to themselves.
Author Links: GoodReads | Website | Amazon
You don’t need a better self. You need freedom from the one you were trained to be.
Most people spend their entire lives feeling lost, anxious, overwhelmed, or painfully disconnected from themselves, not because something is wrong with them, but because they’ve been living inside a conditioned identity that never truly belonged to them.
The roles you learned in childhood, the Good One, the High-Achiever, the Strong One, the Fixer, the Peacemaker, helped you survive, but now they keep you stuck in cycles of self-sabotage, people-pleasing, perfectionism, overthinking, emotional trauma patterns, anxiety, and self-doubt. These roles shape your decisions, your relationships, your boundaries, and even your sense of purpose.
The Reset Self introduces a revolutionary perspective: You’re not failing to “find inner peace,” “love yourself again,” or “discover your purpose in life.” You simply can’t build a peaceful life on top of a self that isn’t actually yours.
Inside this book, you’ll learn how to:Recognize the hidden conditioning behind feeling lost in life and not knowing who you really are.
Identify the role-based patterns fueling your anxiety, overthinking, emotional exhaustion, and resentment.
Break cycles of self-sabotage and negative thinking without forcing yourself into toxic positivity.
Heal emotional trauma, including toxic childhood conditioning, through nervous-system based practices that work in real life.
Use the Fingertips Principle to stop trying to control what was never yours to manage.
Run Non-Compliance Experiments that retrain your nervous system to feel safe when you stop over-giving and start choosing yourself.
Untangle your sense of purpose from expectations, guilt, or external validation.
Feel emotions without feeding them or turning them into spirals of overthinking and fear.
And for the first time, this edition includes a new and urgent topic: The Social Media Self — how comparison, unrealistic standards, curated “perfect lives,” and constant performance pressure distort your identity and steal your peace. Learn how to reset the part of you that feels behind, invisible, or never enough.
This book is not another mindset hack, manifestation trick, or habit-building routine. It’s a practical, grounded, psychologically-informed method for stepping out of the identity you were conditioned into, and returning to the person underneath.
Perfect for Readers Who Feel:“I feel lost in life and don’t know who I am anymore.”
“I want to find myself again after years of overthinking, people-pleasing, or burnout.”
“I want to heal emotional trauma, anxiety, or self-doubt without endlessly reliving the past.”
“I want inner peace, but I don’t know how to get there.”
“I’m tired of performing. I want to feel real again.”
The Reset Self is a guide for anyone ready to stop performing a life they never chose, and finally live the one that is actually theirs.
If you’re exhausted from healing, striving, or trying to be “enough,” this book will show you the way home to yourself.
The Reset Self
The Reset Self is a self-help book that argues you are not broken, you are over-conditioned, and most of your pain comes from living as a “role-self” instead of as a real person. Seravyna Böhm walks through how early family dynamics, cultural pressure, and constant performance teach you to become the Strong One, the Good Child, the Fixer, or the High-Achiever, then shows how expectation scripts and the nervous-system load of constant over-compliance turn into anxiety, resentment, burnout, and numbness. The heart of the book is a set of simple tools, like Role Naming, Expectation Tracking, the Fingertips Principle, Non-Compliance Experiments, Feeling Without Feeding, and the Daily De-Script, all aimed at helping you step out of old roles in real time and act from choice instead of fear.
I really like the core idea that “you are conditioned, not defective.” It feels kind, and it also feels sharp. The shift from “I need to fix myself” to “I learned this role, and I can unlearn it” has a surprisingly strong emotional impact. I also appreciate how clearly the book names common identities like the Strong One or the Peacemaker and then maps them to concrete patterns in work, family, and healing spaces. The chapter on the “invisible engine of misery” and the expectation–resentment loop hit hard for me, because it turns messy feelings into something you can actually see and work with. The latter material on ethics, choice, and accountability keeps the method from slipping into selfishness. It keeps repeating that understanding conditioning explains behavior and does not excuse harm, and that balance feels very grounded and humane.
I appreciated the writing and structure overall, especially the warm, steady voice that often feels soothing and reassuring. The author takes time with each idea, circling around it in a way that lets the message really sink in, with phrases and examples that come back like friendly reminders. The strong use of metaphor and direct address creates an intimate, conversational feel, which works well. The focus stays almost entirely on lived experience, which keeps the material accessible. What stood out most to me is that the tone remains compassionate, clean, and practical, and the case examples keep the tools grounded in real life.
I would recommend The Reset Self to anyone who feels like the “responsible one,” who is burned out from people-pleasing, or who has done a lot of therapy and self-work and still feels strangely stuck. It’s especially well-suited to high-functioning, over-thinking adults who look fine on the outside and feel empty or angry on the inside. As a clear, gentle guide for unhooking from old roles, easing the nervous-system load, and making everyday choices from something that feels more like your actual self, it is thoughtful, practical, and genuinely encouraging.
Pages: 231 | ASIN : B0GBZWFMRN
Encouraging Emotional Openness
Anxious Amy: Calming the Worries Within follows an anxious young teen who appears cheerful but feels overwhelmed inside, and how her mom and counselor help her learn to manage these feelings.
The book emphasizes that asking for help is a sign of strength. Why do you think that message is especially important for young readers today?
Strength is especially important for young readers today because many children struggle with self-doubt and a lack of confidence when it comes to expressing their thoughts and feelings. Young people often feel pressure to handle challenges on their own or worry about being judged if they speak up. By emphasizing communication and the importance of asking for help, the book encourages emotional openness, builds confidence, and helps children develop healthy coping skills that will benefit them throughout their lives. By reinforcing this idea early on in youth, the book aims to strengthen a quality in them that may have been lost along the way—the understanding that vulnerability and communication can be powerful, not weaknesses.
The use of color plays a powerful role in Amy’s emotional journey. How did that concept develop?
Color is used to visually reflect Amy’s emotional journey and make her feelings easy for young readers to understand. Amy’s character begins in black and white to represent confusion, isolation, and the heaviness of anxiety. As Amy learns to understand her feelings, communicate, and receive support to manage her anxiety, color gradually fills the pages as Amy becomes more visible, symbolizing growing confidence, healing, and hope. This shift shows children that progress takes time and doesn’t happen all at once and that brighter moments are possible, even after feeling overwhelmed.
How can adults use this story as a conversation starter with children or teens?
This story offers a gentle, non-threatening way for adults to start meaningful conversations with children or teens about emotions. Its short, visually inviting format makes it easy to read together at home, in classrooms, or in therapeutic settings. By discussing the character’s feelings first, adults can ask open-ended questions that encourage children to reflect without feeling pressured or singled out.
Focusing on the story helps normalize conversations about anxiety, emotions, and asking for help. This indirect approach encourages open meaningful dialogue amongst young readers, at their own pace while fostering understanding, emotional awareness, and connection.
Author links: GoodReads | Twitter | Facebook | Instagram | Website
Anxious Amy: Calming the Worries Within
Anxious Amy: Calming the Worries Within by Deanna Bussadori is a warm, sincere story that speaks to readers of all ages. Centered on Amy, a young girl living with persistent anxious thoughts, the narrative explores the quiet effort of appearing cheerful while feeling overwhelmed inside. Through gentle rhyme, the book captures how ordinary moments can feel unmanageable when anxiety takes hold. With steady support from her mother, Amy begins working with a counselor and learns to talk honestly about her feelings. That encouragement leads her to an important realization: anxiety can be managed, and asking for help is not weakness but growth.
One of the book’s greatest strengths lies in its rhythmic structure. The cadence mirrors Amy’s inner world while remaining accessible to young readers. Difficult emotions are presented with care, never feeling heavy or intimidating. Instead, the language invites empathy and understanding. Equally impactful is the portrayal of supportive adults. Amy’s mother and counselor are patient, attentive, and nonjudgmental. Their presence reinforces the idea that anxiety should not be faced alone and that a strong support system can ease stress, build confidence, and improve overall well-being.
The illustrations deserve special recognition, particularly the thoughtful use of color. Visual storytelling plays a central role in reflecting Amy’s emotional journey. At the beginning, she appears entirely in white, a clear symbol of uncertainty and self-doubt. As she begins to open up, color slowly emerges. Each new shade represents growth, self-expression, and acceptance. By the final pages, the richness of color underscores a powerful message: confronting anxiety allows Amy to feel whole, present, and authentically herself.
Anxious Amy: Calming the Worries Within is thoughtful, reassuring, and visually compelling, this book is an excellent resource for children and teens experiencing anxiety, as well as for the adults who support them. Its gentle message encourages open dialogue about mental health and offers a comforting reminder that no one has to navigate their worries alone.
Pages: 36 | ASIN : B0FQ5Z58NF
Meaningful Work
Emetophobia & Me follows your transformation from a childhood shaped by fear to an adulthood grounded in courage, compassion, and the radical act of choosing to live fully even when anxiety whispers otherwise. Why was this an important book for you to write?
What a great question. It brought up quite a lot for me. I will try to summarise it. Having battled crippling anxiety throughout most of my childhood and adult life, I wanted nothing more than to help others who were suffering too. When I saw someone suffering with anxiety and/or emetophobia and heard them speak of their experience in ways I deeply resonated with, my heart would literally hurt. For many years, I would just listen and try to offer any understanding and …. well, just love really. It felt like a lifeline for me to have someone who would just listen and remind me that I was not alone. So when I decided to write this little book, it was really to create a lifeline for those who feel lost and to remind them that they were safe. There is hope, and they are deeply loved.
What feels important to me is that, even when I am gone, my books might still bring comfort to others. That feels like meaningful work to me.
What was the hardest memory to revisit while writing Emetophobia & Me, and how did you care for yourself during that process?
Writing the book really did bring up some old feelings and fears, but it was therapeutic in a way too. I think the hardest part to revisit was those times, as a child, where I felt so unsafe. I had the phobia, anxiety, and panic ( I had no idea they had names then), there was violence at home, and my sister was diagnosed with cancer.
I felt so sad for that frightened little girl, who tried tirelessly to control what was never in her control. I guess that is why I turned inward more and more, to try and control myself. To try and keep myself safe with rituals, behaviour, and fear.
Was there a specific moment when your relationship with fear shifted from something to avoid to something you could coexist with?
You know, I wish there was a light bulb moment when it all changed. We are all looking for the magical quick fix, right? But, actually, it was a slow process. A process of seeing, then not seeing, then seeing more. The real change came from being open to being wrong …. about who I thought I was, my beliefs, and my misunderstanding about fear.
Being open. Being prepared to change your mind. Being aware that there is a lot you don’t know yet, is huge.
What do you hope readers who don’t struggle with phobias take away about empathy and the lived experience of anxiety?
It has always been important to me that loved ones and family members have some understanding about anxiety and Phobias. The one thing a sufferer needs is understanding. Followed by time and love. Just listen, not always to fix, but just to hear. Often, we sufferers of anxiety feel unheard, and that increases fear and insecurity.
The answer to everything always is love.
Author Links: GoodReads | Facebook | Instagram | Finding Peace | Website | Books.By | Amazon
She could control everything—
except her own fear.
From the outside, Jess Smith looked fine. A wife, a mother, a woman doing her best to hold it all together. But behind every smile hid a secret terror—an obsessive fear of vomiting so intense it ruled her every decision. Every meal was measured. Every outing calculated. Every day, a battle with her own mind.
Until the fear began to consume her life completely.
In this raw and beautifully written memoir about emetophobia, anxiety and panic attacks, Jess takes readers inside the hidden world of a phobia few dare to talk about. Her story unfolds like a psychological thriller—every symptom, every panic episode, every desperate attempt to stay “safe” pulling her further from the life she longed to live.
But when she finally hit breaking point, something miraculous happened.
She stopped running.
She turned inward.
And she began the journey home—to herself.
Part memoir, part self-help guide for anxiety and recovery, Emetophobia and Me will make you feel every heartbeat of fear—and every breath of freedom that follows.
If you’ve ever lived your life controlled by fear—whether of panic, sickness, or simply losing control—this story will hold your hand through the darkness and show you that healing isn’t about fixing yourself.
It’s about finally allowing yourself to be free.
A powerful, honest, and inspiring read for anyone navigating anxiety, emetophobia, panic disorder, or trauma recovery.
You are not afraid of what you think you are.
It’s time to see the truth — and take your life back.
Digital Stressors
Anxiety Reset 30 Days to Find Calm is a structured 30-day guide to understanding and managing anxiety based on science-backed strategies to assist readers in identifying patterns and mastering self-regulation techniques. Why was this an important book for you to write?
The city that I live in has the youngest average population age in Canada. Also, the highest suicide rate. This comes along with depression and anxiety. Initially, I wanted to help children, but I realized that children learn by mirroring their parents. Thus, I needed to write an anxiety book for adults, not in a lazy way, and also doing something that other books in the genre are not doing.
How much research did you undertake for this book, and how much time did it take to put it all together?
Great question, it took many months of research and around 23 updates leading to the current version available on Amazon. It has been a second full-time job on top of my regular day job. My 3-week vacation this year was almost entirely spent on the book in some component of its updating/advertising, etc.
What were some ideas that were important for you to share in this book?
The idea that we have not evolved to deal with all the modern-day digital stressors and combined inputs that the world demands our attention/focus. Even when grieving, there are so many triggers that our ancestors never faced. Digital Pictures, radio music, connected yet disconnected friends.
What is one thing that you hope readers take away from Anxiety Reset 30 Days to Find Calm?
Any tool that they find beneficial. I realize that most people may not have the energy or time to complete the full 30 days; however, using the summaries at the back and emergency regulation sheets, the chances are high that someone finds a tool that improves their life or someone in their circle’s life. That is a win for me and for humanity.
Author Links: GoodReads | X (Twitter) | Facebook | Website | Amazon
Anxiety overwhelms body and mind, impacting millions of adults in today’s chaos. Anxiety Reset: 30 Days to Find Calm delivers a science-backed, 30-day program tailored for busy adults—a 463-page workbook with narrated pages, relaxing videos via scannable QR codes, and emergency relief cards for instant support.
Inside: • 4-part system to build skills daily • Practical exercises for adult life • Emergency relief techniques and cards • Flexible, schedule-friendly practices • Advanced resilience strategies
What Sets It Apart: Combat workplace stress and digital overload with neuroscience and psychology, enriched by color illustrations, tracking sheets, and multimedia—every page narrated, with day-specific video QR codes.
Your 30-Day Journey: • Days 1-5: Unravel Your Anxiety Triggers • Days 6-10: Master Emergency Techniques • Days 11-20: Cultivate Daily Calm • Days 21-30: Achieve Lasting Mastery • Bonus: Quick-reference guides
Ideal for professionals, parents, or anyone seeking clear, comprehensive tools. Launch your reset today and take control of your emotional well-being!
Unbreakable You: Create, Revise, Repair Your Life
In Unbreakable You, Dr. Jon Deam presents a refreshingly direct and deeply humane take on personal transformation. Structured around six themes—life as iteration, letting go, self-worth, connection, urgency, and resilience—the book uses storytelling, personal insight, and a counselor’s wisdom to deliver bite-sized guidance on how to reframe struggles and begin again, again and again. Each chapter opens with a truism, a short, sometimes humorous saying, and then unpacks it through anecdotes from his practice, cultural metaphors, and practical coaching. The message is clear and simple: your life is not a fixed story. You can shape, reshape, and strengthen it—if you’re brave enough to begin.
What hit me hardest as a counselor—and frankly as a human—was the book’s repeated reminder that perfection is a myth. Deam kicks things off with a powerful metaphor: “You don’t start with the statue; you start with the marble”. So often, clients sit in my office paralyzed by the idea of needing to get life right on the first try. Deam tears that down gently but firmly. He illustrates that we’re all rough stone, being chipped away over time, with grace, frustration, and sometimes a lot of mess. The story of Clark, a man stuck in obsessive fear about his heartbeat, was especially poignant. Deam walks him back from anxiety not with a lecture, but with a practical, almost poetic recalibration—counting the sheer number of times Clark’s heart has beaten without fail. That’s powerful. That’s therapy without jargon.
Another chapter that lingers is “Don’t Be a Spectator in Your Own Life.” In it, Deam shares the story of Barry, a 50-year-old veteran who had never been kissed, never been on a date. The courage it took for Barry to speak that truth and the way that story unfolds with compassion and zero judgment nearly brought me to tears. Deam doesn’t overanalyze Barry’s behavior. He doesn’t offer quick-fix advice. He simply names the pain, the loneliness, and the monster on the hill we all sometimes imagine. He empowers Barry to step onto the field and fumble if he must—but at least play. That message is so needed. I’ve seen too many people frozen by fear of “starting too late” or of not being perfect. This chapter gave me new language I can now use with clients. And that’s the kind of value that sticks.
Chapter 17, “Resilience Isn’t Showing Up When It’s All Green Lights; It’s Showing Up Despite a Lot of Red Ones,” really hit home for me. I spend so much time encouraging others to push through setbacks that I sometimes forget how exhausting it can be to do that myself. This chapter reminded me that resilience isn’t about waiting for perfect conditions—because, honestly, those rarely come. What stuck with me was Deam’s reminder that showing up on the tough days, when everything feels heavy or uncertain, is actually the bravest kind of progress.
This book is honest. Raw in moments, encouraging in others, and filled with metaphors that sneak into your thoughts days later. It isn’t preachy or polished like some self-help bestsellers. It doesn’t rely on flashy neuroscience or overdone motivational speech. What it offers is more human: grounded truths. Short chapters. Real voices. I recommend Unbreakable You to anyone who feels stuck, especially high-functioning professionals, caretakers, or adults in transition who think they “should have figured it out by now.” This book is for the burned out, the overwhelmed, and the quietly hurting. It’s for people who need permission to start over. Or just start. It’s not magic. But it is good medicine.
Pages: 126 | ASIN : B0DYX3SH15
We Simply Are
Good Boy Bad Boy is a heartfelt exploration of self-acceptance and the battle within ourselves between societal expectations and personal authenticity. Why was this an important book for you to write?
Thank you for your kind words!
The last time I wrote a book, I was so burnt out that I vowed never to write again. Yet, less than a year later, I found myself back at the keyboard at 5:30 AM, eager to write again.
Writing can be a cathartic experience, and I had been contemplating “Good Boy Bad Boy” for quite some time. I had also written numerous blog posts centered around its themes. The turning point came when I discovered we were expecting our third daughter. This news motivated me to properly explore my struggles with self-worth as a man and my feelings of inadequacy as a father. I hoped that by sharing my journey, I could help my children navigate their own inner critics and, selfishly, one day understand where I had fallen short.
I appreciated the candid nature with which you told your story. What was the hardest thing for you to write about?
The hardest part for me to write about was my relationship and healing journey with my mother. It was challenging not only because it was deeply personal, but also because I was concerned about portraying her in a negative light (which would not have been representative of what I was attempting to convey). She graciously supported my efforts to share our journey, which I believe will resonate with many parents and their children.
What were some ideas that were important for you to share in this book?
In this book, I aimed to convey a few key ideas that I found particularly important. First and foremost, we are neither inherently good nor bad; we simply are. While are the moral standards of right and wrong, to often we give meaning to experiences that result in unneeded and unwarranted feelings of guilt and shame. By embracing our shadow selves—the parts of ourselves that we often deem “not good enough”—we can liberate ourselves to live more fully and purposefully.
I also wanted to highlight the destructive impact that the structures and influences of modern society can have on us, both intentionally and unintentionally. These influences play a significant role in shaping our actions and our perceptions of what is good and bad within ourselves. I hope that by raising awareness of these often harmful influences, we can find greater freedom from them.
What do you hope is one thing readers take away from Good Boy Bad Boy?
What I hope readers take away from “Good Boy, Bad Boy” is that the forgiveness of our feelings of guilt and shame stemming from past experiences is a gift we can give ourselves. This gift is available to us at any moment.
Author Links: GoodReads | YouTube | Website | Instagram | Substack
Author Joel Primus grew up believing he needed to “do good” and “be good” to earn his parents’ love and society’s acceptance, but no matter what he accomplished, he never felt good enough. This underlying feeling of “badness,” which he tried desperately to ignore, permeated much of his life.
Psychiatrist Carl Jung calls the unsavory aspect of our personality the “shadow self,” and the more we distance ourselves from it, the more anxiety, shame, and unworthiness grows. From the media, society, religion, our parents, and other external voices, we learn to condemn the bad in others and push it away in ourselves. But what if good and bad aren’t actually opposites?
That’s what author Joel Primus explores in this book. Combining research and parables with his
own experiences as a long-distance runner, entrepreneur, traveler, and father, Primus asks us to challenge our perception of good and bad. When we embrace the idea that our shadow is not the antithesis of our light, but rather a vital piece of our whole, we free ourselves from self-imposed constraints and give our children permission to do the same. By healing ourselves he believes we can “heal the line” and redefine what it means to live a good life.
