The Fine Art of Grieving guides readers through the deeply emotional landscape of mourning your son through evocative vignettes, photography, and various art forms to share your emotions and memories. Why was this an important book for you to write?

Before my son’s death, I found art to be an effective tool to express uncomfortable feelings and transform my own childhood trauma into meaning. Creativity gave me a voice, built my self-confidence, and made me stronger and wiser.

Although artmaking had been my salvation, my creative muse vanished when a switch flipped from child alive to child dead. How was I supposed to process grief?

Soon after my son’s death, I attended a grief group and asked the question, “How long does grief last?” The other grievers all turned to the counselor with looks of desperation. The counselor replied, “Grief lasts forever.”

I felt shocked, doomed, and then I shifted into disbelief. How could anyone survive if this relentless, excruciating, brutal thing called grief lasts forever?

Predominantly, grief is confined to culturally acceptable guidelines, often censored. Unexpressed grief is grief unprocessed. I witnessed most grievers quicksand-stuck, mouthless, or hanging unreachable in the cave of loss destined to suffer forever. No one should have to suffer forever.

My quest to prove that grief does not last forever began with defining grief—and healing. I read as many articles and research studies on grief as I could find, and although highly complicated and nuanced, it turns out that grief is a process and healing is part of that process.

I also devoured grief memoirs and self-help grief books only to find that my experience with grief—that raw unfamiliar madness—was not represented. What was missing compelled me to write a memoir about how creativity and healing were connected to the grieving process. I wanted to write a heart-opening, affirming, unabridged, unmasked depiction of what grief looks like and how it is possible to heal from grief.

In early grief, I wasn’t certain that my creative inquiry into devastating loss would facilitate healing, but I was willing to try. I intuitively suspected that I might be able to develop grief-vision—learning to see through darkness. It took me almost a year to find my way.

I discovered an unconventional pathway through grief. I turned to my camera to document myself floating down a river swaddled in my son’s blood-red blanket, surprised to experience the movements of that river as a metaphor for change—that nothing remains the same. Before the lens, I set my son’s clothing aflame to make sure there was nothing left inside those fading artifacts—a quick lesson in impermanence. I buried my face into his ashes and photographed my faceprint grimace pushed deep into the sand of him to discover my new self in place of his absence. Art performance and photography facilitated a viable means to transform harrowing loss and pain into something soulful, meaningful, and gave me purpose. A grief-can-be-healed revelation, so good, I wrote my book to offer relief and hope to all those who have or will experience grief.

“In grief, you can choose how to process your loss.” – Jane Edberg

I appreciated the candid nature with which you told your story. What was the hardest thing for you to write about?

One might assume the parts about “hearing my son is dead” or “viewing the body” would be the hardest to write, but the entire story was challenging because I was discovering what my story was about as I relived each event multiple times to write the book. My first draft of my memoir was written during the grieving process. While trying to make sense of my actions and experiences, I was processing grief while processing art while processing healing and writing to make sense of those complex relationships while following my throughline: one can heal from grief. Incrementally, I had to depict all the intricate bits that led me to accept my son’s death and show how I created a new, well-adjusted self in a new world. I wrote about how creativity allowed me permission to see, think, and behave in unfamiliar ways. There is no definitive grief manual for that. Years later—as the older, wiser, new self—I rewrote my memoir to include what I came to understand about deep loss.

While losing a loved one is sudden, and happens in a flash, the process of living without them takes years to incorporate, years to make sense of, and years of trying to accept realities that are impossible to understand. Although art assisted me in the journey from grief to healing, that process was fraught with labyrinthine struggle, deep mental anguish, and a lot of focused hard work. Writing that story was a tall order. However, if I had done nothing but give in to being swept away by grief, I believe that my grief would be delayed, and possibly last forever. My memoir is a testament to how one can heal from grief.

“Grief is in the details, so is the healing.” – Jane Edberg

What were some ideas that were important for you to share in this book?

“If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.” ​ – Toni Morrison

So, I did.

The Fine Art of Grieving—not your typical grief memoir—is an introspective and thought-provoking story that explores the profound power of art and its role in navigating through grief to healing and self-discovery. My stories demonstrate how grief offers us an opportunity for self-reflection and personal development, which leads to personal growth. I switched up the conventional grief narrative to invite the idea that grief offers us an incredible gift of transformation.

I included 50 fine art photographs—visual representations of my journey through grief—to go hand in hand with the prose. I do not consider the photographs to be illustrations; I see them as illuminations—bringing light to darkness. My images speak to what my words cannot convey while my words speak to what the art holds as mystery.

Although many people believe that art is only made and enjoyed by those who were born with an innate gift of creativity, The Fine Art of Grieving addresses art as a human endeavor, that art is essential, and makes imagining and creating relatable—something anyone can engage in.

Above all, The Fine Art of Grieving is a book about hope—hope for healing, hope for joy, hope for a stronger, wiser self, and hope for a good life after traumatic loss.

“Grief rises from the ashes; you will rise from grief.” – Jane Edberg

What is one thing you hope readers take away from your story?

Because I am a complex and deep writer, the takeaway is tenfold—there are many valuable morsels in my book pertaining to loss, creativity, resilience, and love. My main takeaway—grief can be healed. One of my greatest wishes is to destigmatize discussing ideas, concerns, and feelings related to death, loss, and grief. I want to instill bravery and inspire others to express their loss with less discomfort.

When I became brave enough to share my grief stories—the private, raw rituals of reimagined loss—I was met with mostly applause and appreciation. In response to my candid sharing, I found other grievers compelled to share their wild steps through the process of grieving. I want readers to know that expressing their grief is how to process that grief.

Many grief experts tout that grief is forever, however, The Fine Art of Grieving offers proof that grief—after showing the complexities of grief—can be processed and healed, does not have to last forever, and that love, and creativity outlast grief.

“How do you heal grief? You grieve.” – Jane Edberg

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Jane Edberg’s creative muse vanished when a switch flipped from child alive to child dead. How was she supposed to process her loss? This lyrical, original, beautifully written story is about how, after the tragic death of her adored nineteen-year-old son, she rediscovers the power of art to create an unconventional pathway through grief. This is not your typical grief memoir. It is an introspective and thought-provoking story which explores the profound power of creativity to transform trauma and anguish into resilience and healing. Her journey is illuminated with breathtaking, fine art photographs of reimagined loss.

HEROES IN GRIEF podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/e6-jane-edberg-professor-artist-author-of-the-
fine/id1743205801?i=1000657605087