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I’ve Lived It
Stoic Empathy is a sharp and heartfelt exploration of how two seemingly opposing traits, stoicism and empathy, can be merged into a potent tool for influence, resilience, and personal growth. Why was this an important book for you to write?
Because I’ve lived it. I’ve had to. I grew up in war-torn Tehran, navigating missile strikes and ideological oppression, and then started over as a refugee in Canada. Years later, I was leading high-stakes negotiations in sleek boardrooms as a corporate lawyer in America. Through it all, I found myself constantly reaching for two tools: my ability to stay calm and principled under pressure (stoicism), and my deep desire to understand and connect with others (empathy). People often see these as opposites, but in my life, they were partners—my survival tools, my leadership compass, my parenting strategy. I wrote Stoic Empathy because I wanted to offer a roadmap for others who are trying to live with power and integrity at once, in a world that often tells them they have to choose.
What were some ideas that were important for you to share in this book?
One was that self-control is not about suppression—it’s about clarity.
The other was that empathy doesn’t have to make you soft; it can actually make you sharper.
I wanted to challenge the misconception that empathy is merely emotional absorption. In truth, it can be tactical, discerning, and fierce. I also wanted to speak to people who feel deeply but don’t know what to do with that depth—especially those in leadership positions. And lastly, I needed to share the idea that influence doesn’t require dominance; it requires alignment—between who we are, what we believe, and how we show up.
Did you find anything in your research of this book that surprised you?
Yes—how many ancient philosophers were deeply attuned to what we now call emotional intelligence. I expected to pull heavily from modern psychology and neuroscience, and I did, but what surprised me was how relevant the writings of Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius felt when filtered through the lens of human connection. I also discovered fascinating neurological evidence that validated what I’d experienced instinctively as a survivor of oppression and war, but also as a lawyer and a mother—that our brains are wired to both mirror and regulate emotions, and that mastering that dance is what gives us real power.
What is one thing that you hope readers take away from Stoic Empathy?
That strength and sensitivity are not at odds. In fact, our most effective leaders, partners, and creators are often those who can feel deeply but act with discipline. If there’s one thing I hope readers take away, it’s this: You are allowed to feel everything—but you don’t have to do everything those feelings suggest. Power lies not in shutting down or giving in, but in standing calmly at the center of it all, discerning what matters, and choosing how to move forward with grace.
Author Website
Stoicism combined with empathy may sound like a contradiction in terms. But when these seemingly opposing forces are harnessed together, they have the power to change your life.
From surviving missile attacks and political oppression in Iran to leading high-stakes legal teams and negotiations in corporate America, Shermin Kruse’s journey fuels her mission to merge empathy and stoicism as tools for navigating power, justice, and human connection in every facet of life. In this eye-opening book, she offers you this radical perspective shift—anchored in up-to-the-minute research—to help you navigate life’s challenges with power and principles.
We often think of empathy as an emotional stance: we feel what someone else is feeling. But Kruse outlines a form of empathy that’s based in cognition, not emotion—a way for us to understand what the other person is thinking and feeling while keeping a distance from their feeling state—and shows us how we can strategically maneuver our level of engagement from “emotional empathy” to “cognitive empathy” in different circumstances. Then she utilizes Stoic philosophy and modern science to outline the how of emotional regulation and control. The bridge she builds between Stoicism and empathy gives us the knowledge and discipline we need to:
Calmly assess the power dynamics of any situation
Understand and manage our own emotions as well as the emotions of others
Defuse danger and turn conflict into connection
Skillfully steer a challenging conversation toward the result we want
Whether you’re a leader striving to succeed in your role with integrity, an educator seeking to guide curious minds with compassion, a parent nurturing resilience in your children, or simply facing a personal or professional crossroads, Stoic Empathy is an essential toolkit for negotiating success in every area of your life.
Stoic Empathy: The Road Map to a Life of Influence, Self-Leadership, and Integrity
Shermin Kruse’s Stoic Empathy is a sharp and heartfelt exploration of how two seemingly opposing traits, stoicism and empathy, can be merged into a potent tool for influence, resilience, and personal growth. The book mixes personal history, ancient philosophy, neuroscience, and practical advice to introduce the concept of “Stoic Empathy,” the intentional blend of emotional awareness and emotional control. Kruse breaks down cognitive and emotional empathy, offers techniques from both domains, and delivers them through compelling stories, case studies, and reflections from her own turbulent journey from Iran to North America. The message is clear: you can be strong without being cold, and kind without being soft.
What struck me right away was Kruse’s voice. She doesn’t hide behind academic detachment or preach from a mountaintop. Instead, she lays her life bare—stories of war, immigration, trauma, injustice, love, and ambition. And she does it in prose that is raw but composed, often poetic but never indulgent. I felt moved, more than once, not just because of what she lived through, but how she translated those scars into strength. Her writing is both precise and deeply emotional, a difficult balance she pulls off with skill. Kruse somehow made a guidebook feel like a memoir.
Now, in terms of the ideas, some of them hit like a lightning bolt. The way she differentiates cognitive and emotional empathy, then teaches you when to use each, is flat-out brilliant. I’ve read plenty of books on leadership and emotional intelligence, but few are this actionable and easily understood. She doesn’t just give you theory, she shows how it plays out in hard rooms with high stakes. There’s pain in this book. There’s injustice. But Kruse doesn’t wallow. She’s honest about the ugliness in the world, but relentless in her belief that we can navigate it ethically, if we keep both a cool head and a warm heart.
I’d recommend Stoic Empathy to anyone who leads, whether that’s in a boardroom, a classroom, a household, or a movement. It’s especially relevant for folks juggling high-pressure decisions with a desire to stay kind and ethical. But more than that, it’s for anyone who’s ever felt torn between being tough and being tender. Kruse shows you how to be both, and more importantly, how to use that combination to change your world.
Pages: 288 | ASIN : B0D3YVPRX6
The Seven Tensions of Negotiation
Cash Nickerson’s The Seven Tensions of Negotiation is part philosophy, part practical guide, and part martial arts metaphor, all wrapped in a sharp, seasoned perspective on what it really means to negotiate well. The book introduces seven types of internal tensions; Relationship, Process, Power/Leverage, Timing, Outcome, Team, and Agent and explores how recognizing and managing them leads to more successful negotiations. But it’s not just a list of frameworks. Nickerson challenges a lot of popular thinking, especially the “kumbaya” collaboration-first school of negotiation, and replaces it with something grittier, more human, and ultimately, more honest.
What I loved most was how Nickerson throws the “Getting to Yes” idealism under the bus but in a thoughtful, experienced way. He’s not out to destroy collaborative negotiation; he just believes it’s incomplete. In Chapter 1, he sets the tone by describing a simple Snickers bar dilemma between two people, breaking it down into seven distinct internal tensions. That simple story cracked open a whole world of complexity in negotiation that most books gloss over. He doesn’t shy away from discomfort. Instead, he leans into it and that, to me, is the book’s biggest strength. Nickerson makes tension not something to avoid, but something to wield like a tool. It made me reframe every “tense” meeting I’ve had not as failure, but as potential I didn’t know how to handle yet.
Nickerson’s writing style is straightforward, sometimes sharp, but never stuffy. He brings in stories from martial arts, law, business, and even politics. The analogy he draws between Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and negotiation and how you can’t feel the other person unless you’re relaxed stuck with me. That moment early in the book when he talks about his UFC coach friend losing all his fighters because they abandoned training under pressure, landed. It’s not just a clever metaphor. It’s a warning: you can train all day, but if you don’t understand your own internal tension, you’ll fall apart the moment it counts. And that’s true for boardrooms as much as octagons.
He also doesn’t let the reader off easy with one-size-fits-all advice. Instead, he digs into the mess of real-life scenarios. For instance, he shares a negotiation from a condo board dispute where he uses strategic team rotation and room-switching to shift power dynamics. It’s clever, and more importantly, it’s real. He’s not theorizing here; he’s been in the trenches. His skepticism of overly academic models like principled negotiation makes sense when you realize he’s walked both paths: corporate law and academia. That blend gives him the authority to say, “Sure, win-win sounds nice, but here’s how things actually go down.”
If there’s a weakness, it’s that sometimes the martial arts comparisons go a little deep. I personally liked them, but if you’re not into that world, you might find yourself glossing over the Systema or BJJ talk. That said, even those tangents swing back around with a purpose, and his core message never wavers. Tension is not the enemy. It’s the energy of negotiation itself.
In the end, this book made me rethink not just how I negotiate but how I react under pressure in any high-stakes situation. I’d recommend it to anyone who negotiates as part of their job lawyers, execs, entrepreneurs, and HR folks, as well as to people who want to understand their own reactions under pressure. If you’ve ever walked out of a negotiation thinking “I wish I had said…” or “Why did I freeze up?,” this book will help you answer those questions and do better next time.
Pages: 240 | ASIN : B0DMV1QY1M
Negotiate Like a CEO
Jotham S. Stein not only has brilliant advice on how to be at the top of your game in business and the corporate world, but he also gives insight into how ruthless capitalism can be. Negotiate Like A CEO is a helpful guide for building confidence as you go about your entrepreneurial or employment activities. With the author’s experience, he provides advice to help readers understand what to ask for at work, beat your competitors, the power of your signature, be bold, and understand the art of negotiation.
Stein’s writing style is direct and easy to follow. His advice for business leaders such as executives, founders of organizations, entrepreneurs, and company decision-makers is realistic and blunt. In addition, the author gives a step-by-step breakdown when introducing a new topic to ensure comprehension.
The author uses personal stories to share his ideas and present his concepts. By writing about his encounters, challenges, and wins, Stein connects with his readers on a basic level, showing he has been where they are before. I appreciate the author for addressing people employed by organizations and those who are self-employed. The author balanced the guidance he has for the two groups flawlessly.
In addition to the in-depth discussions on negotiating, Stein includes a section in the book where he tells stories of entrepreneurs and executives. What I loved most about this part was how moving the stories felt. They were told with honesty and without sugar coating the experiences. The conversations were interesting and captivating to follow along with. Each story ended with a lesson for readers to take away with them.
Negotiate Like A CEO: How to Get Ahead with Lessons Learned From Top Entrepreneurs and Executives is an educational book that will give readers a realistic view of what it takes to get ahead in business. With an introduction to new entrepreneurship concepts and learning how executives get to rise to positions of power, readers will come out with more knowledge of how the business world works.
Pages: 294 | ASIN : B09TG125BQ
LITERARY TITAN 