The Price of Nice lays out a sharp argument that our cultural obsession with being “nice” keeps us stuck in cycles of false comfort and stalled progress that preserves the status quo at home, in workplaces, and across society. What is the Think–Feel–Do–Revisit framework, and how does it help people break the cycle of niceness?

The Think–Feel–Do–Revisit framework was born out of my work in behavioral communications, not theory for theory’s sake, but years of studying how people actually change.

In my professional work, we borrow heavily from sociology, psychology, and behavioral science to answer very practical questions: What do people believe? What do they feel? Who do they trust? And how does that shape what they will do, and keep doing? We know that behavior doesn’t change just because information is correct or presented. It changes when beliefs and emotions are addressed first.

What clicked for me is that those same tools apply individually, especially when it comes to niceness.

When people stay “nice” in moments that require courage, it’s rarely because they don’t know better. It’s because of what they’re thinking, often unconscious stories about risk or belonging, and what they’re feeling, fear, obligation, loyalty, or discomfort. Those two things quietly determine what they do, usually nothing, and then the cycle repeats.

This framework helps interrupt that pattern. It gives people a way to name what’s happening internally before defaulting to silence. By revisiting the outcome, they build awareness and agency over time. That’s how mindset shifts stick. Not through one brave moment, but through understanding and practicing behavior change on purpose.

What were some ideas that were important for you to share in this book?

One of the most important ideas I wanted to name is that niceness is not neutral.

Growing up and throughout my career, I was praised for being “easy,” “gracious,” and “not difficult.” But I realized those compliments often came up just as I was quietly absorbing harm. Niceness became a way for the system to stay comfortable while I paid the price.

I also wanted to challenge the idea that courage has to look loud or reckless. In the book, I introduce the idea of nerve as sustained courage. Not the big speech once, but the daily practice of choosing yourself, again and again, even when there’s pushback.

And finally, I wanted to make it clear that this isn’t about becoming harsh or cruel. It’s about replacing performative niceness with intentional kindness, the kind that takes action, tells the truth, and is willing to disrupt.

What is one thing you hope readers take away from The Price of Nice?

I hope readers walk away knowing that the discomfort they feel isn’t a personal failing. It’s often a signal that they’re outgrowing the rules they were given.

So many people, especially women and people of color, think they’re broken because being “nice” isn’t working anymore. What I want them to see is that their instincts are intact. They’re just bumping up against systems that rely on their silence.

If readers take away one thing, I hope it’s this: You’re not required to be palatable to be powerful. And choosing nerve doesn’t make you dangerous. It makes you daring.

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