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Power of Self-Love
Back to Loving My 1st Wife is a deeply personal and emotionally charged memoir that explores the trials and tribulations of caring for your wife who battles severe mental health issues. What were some ideas that were important for you to share in this book?
Great question, thank you for asking.
One of the main ideas I wanted to drive home was the importance of educating oneself when it comes to caring for someone with a serious medical condition. I wanted to stress the significance of proper, extensive research and share the resources I came across. It wasn’t just about understanding the medical jargon; it was about grasping the emotional and psychological impact her illness had on her and our marriage. The more I learned, the better I could empathize with her experiences and anticipate her needs.
Understanding her medications was another critical aspect. I needed to know the purpose of each medication, their side effects, and how they interacted with her mind and body. This knowledge was vital in managing her care and ensured I didn’t endanger her life. It also allowed me to communicate effectively with her doctors, making sure they had all the necessary information to adjust her treatments when needed.
But perhaps most importantly, I wanted to share what I learned with others. I knew there were other husbands and caregivers out there facing similar struggles, feeling overwhelmed and unsure of where to turn. By sharing my journey, I hoped to provide some guidance and reassurance. I wanted to let them know that they weren’t alone. I wanted to be a resource for others in similar situations.
I appreciated the candid nature with which you told your story. What was the hardest thing for you to write about?
Wow. Another great question but a tough one.
Reliving the delicate and frail nature of my wife’s health was an emotional rollercoaster. Every day, I was reminded of her struggles and the immense toll her illness took on her. But what made it even harder was grappling with my own mental health challenges.
As my mental health began to deteriorate, the flashbacks and the visual and auditory hallucinations I experienced were intense and terrifying. These weren’t just fleeting moments; they were vivid and intrusive, making it hard for me to focus on anything else. The constant worry and stress took a toll on my mental well-being, and for a while, every day felt like a battle just to be present for my wife.
There were days when it felt like the weight of it all was too much to bear. I struggled to maintain my composure, feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility and the fear of what could happen next. It was a dark and lonely place, and I often felt like I was fighting an invisible enemy.
But revisiting and sharing my mental health decline became a crucial part of my journey. By sharing my experiences, I began to process my emotions and understand the impact they had on me. It wasn’t easy, but somehow, I knew it was necessary.
Opening up about my mental health struggles also allowed me to seek the support I needed. I started seeing a psychologist, who helped me develop coping strategies and helped me manage my depression and PTSD. I learned the importance of self-care and making time for myself.
Through it all, I discovered that being present for my wife didn’t mean ignoring my own needs. In fact, taking care of myself was essential to being a better caregiver. By acknowledging my struggles and seeking help, I was able to find a balance that allowed me to support my wife while also taking care of my mental health.
What do you hope is one thing readers take away from your story?
This is perhaps, my favorite question of all.
As I reflect on my journey as a husband and caregiver, I hope the main takeaway from my story is the importance and power of self-love and unconditional love. These two forms of love have been my anchors, guiding me through the toughest times and helping me find strength I didn’t know I had.
Self-love is something we often overlook, especially when we’re focused on caring for someone else. But I learned that taking care of myself was crucial. It wasn’t about being selfish; it was about ensuring I had the energy and emotional stability to support my wife. Self-love meant recognizing my limits, seeking help when I needed it, and giving myself permission to rest and recharge. It was about treating myself with the same compassion and kindness that I showed my wife.
Unconditional love, on the other hand, was the driving force behind everything I did. It’s the kind of love that remains steadfast through the highs and lows and doesn’t waver when things get tough. This love was my motivation to keep going, even when it felt like everything was falling apart. It gave me the patience to handle difficult days and the courage to face the unknown.
I think we often underestimate the power of love. It can move mountains, mend broken hearts, and potentially save lives. When my wife was at her most vulnerable, it was love that kept us both going. It was love that made the impossible seem possible, that turned despair into hope.
Through this journey, I’ve come to realize that love isn’t just an emotion—it’s a force of nature. It has the power to heal, to inspire, and to transform. When we embrace self-love and unconditional love, we tap into a strength that can carry us through the darkest times.
If there’s one thing I want readers to take away from my story, it’s this: never underestimate the power of love. Whether it’s love for yourself or love for someone else, it can make all the difference. It can be the light in the darkness, the reason to keep going, and the force that helps you overcome any obstacle. So,
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Continuing the saga from the author’s award-winning autobiography, “In Love with My 5 Wives, A Broken Man’s Journey on How to Love His Broken Wife,” this poignant narrative underscores the transformative power of love and support within a marriage. It powerfully demonstrates how the author’s unwavering commitment became both a beacon of hope and a testament to the power of selfless sacrifice, inspiring men with the potential of these elements in a marriage.
The book vividly portrays the author’s emotional and psychological challenges, taking readers on a rollercoaster of emotions. Through a delicate balance of heartfelt storytelling and agonizing reflections, “Back to Loving My 1st Wife” is an inspiring tribute to the strength and enduring impact of a husband’s love.
Is It Time To Shift The Narrative?
The Black Foster Youth Handbook is written to help youth and young adults that have aged out of the system heal and thrive afterward. Why was this an important book for you to write?
I was called both while awake and in my sleep through dreams to create a guide for young people in foster care back in 2016. The pandemic in March of 2020 made the call louder and it was revealed to me that I could not put it off any longer- that youth were aging out of foster care not only in stereotypical outcomes such as homelessness, sex trafficking, prison and suicide but to add to that— a whole world wide pandemic. The world is calling for us collectively to heal and youth and families touched by the child welfare system need support through the lens of holistic wellness not just coping skills and survival mechanisms. I need youth to know that they can create a joyous life in spite of their trauma and so I was willing to be vulnerable in sharing my story in order for others to feel empowered and uncover the purpose within their pain as I have. I created the R.E.A.L success model that takes youth and supportive adults through the 4 phases (Root, Envision, Ascension & Liberation) so that the reader can have a practical framework to self reflect, engage in self-exploration alone and with community as well as achieve a sense of inner freedom out of the bondage of one’s trauma.
I appreciated the candid nature with which you told your story. What was the hardest thing for you to write about?
Honestly, the whole book haha..
My first draft was very angry. I carried a lot of pain and writing, picking up running while I wrote and processing this information was extremely healing. After sending the draft off to my editor, I had a very clear and vivid dream on how the book was going to be formatted and the clarity of the R.E.A.L success model. I am grateful for my husband, divine connection to my ancestors, my book launch team, friends, and a few family members who helped me process this. I knew it would be rough but that it was necessary for such a resource to exist. It was time.
What is one piece of advice someone gave you that changed your life?
To cherish the people in your life while they are still here and alive. You know, give them their flowers while they are still living and don’t wait until they have passed to show your appreciation, love and admiration for them. This is something I do daily and each chance I get to speak up and tell people how they are positively making a difference in my life, in others or the world.
What do you hope is one thing readers take away from your story
The trauma you experienced is not something anyone should have to go through and yet you are here still living. And that says something profound, that you have a divine purpose that you may choose to fulfill in this life. You are not your trauma. You are whoever and whatever the hell you wish to be. You are powerful beyond what you give yourself credit for and in order to fully step into your gifts- You will need to challenge many aspects of yourself and circumstances that you grasped on to in order to survive. It was never your fault but now it is your responsibility to create a life worth living. Powerful soul, it is time to heal. It is time to be free. It is time to discover the real you-outside of the version of you created to endure the trauma. You do not have to do this alone. You are loved. And after everything, you matter to so many. Greatness is in your hands but it all starts with choices.
Do you choose to be what you have seen doesn’t work? Or is it time to shift the narrative?
Author Links: GoodReads | Twitter | Facebook OrginialSoulFlower | Facebook soulfulliberation | Website soulfulliberation | Website originalsoulflower
Less than 5% of young people with the experience of foster care graduate post-secondary education. There are many youth who become prey to sex-trafficking or suseptable to suicide due to homelessness, mental health challenges and no support system. Now, couple the child welfare system with the element of racial injustices and the history of white supremacy and the topic may even become taboo.
Ángela Quijada-Banks, a woman of African and Indigeneous descent has taken the liberty of giving back to these communities for a half a decade through advocacy, advisory and organizational training. Through her travels across the nation, speaking to congressional members, federal stakeholders and constituents of the foster care system she decided some sort of manual was needed to combat the shocking low success rates of young people with the background of foster care. This handbook is written to be supplemental to young people in foster care’s navigation through foster care and healing beyond it.
Supportive adults such as foster/resource parents, case managers, GALs, therapists and social workers will also find this to be helpful in their roles in young people’s lives. Success is possible regardless of where you come from, you just have to know where to look, who to trust and believe in the one person that can get you to the other side of pain and trauma, you.
The Black Foster Youth Handbook
The playwright George Bernard Shaw once said that youth is wasted on the young. Unfortunately, the meaning behind this world-famous quote becomes all the more tragic because most of us only realize what it truly means when it’s too late. Luckily, we have author Ángela Quijada-Banks to give the youth a wake-up call and a helping hand. Her book The Black Foster Youth Handbook can be categorized under Self-Help, and it embodies the best qualities of the genre. It’s a valuable collection of over 50 lessons sprinkled with a healthy dose of personal anecdotes, making it a surprisingly entertaining and fulfilling read.
Written in a conversational and often-times humorous tone, it can be read and enjoyed by anyone from any background. Sure, its primary target audience is young people of color who have gone through foster care, but those who haven’t can still pick up lessons that could be beneficial. It also features brief poetic pieces by Quijada-Banks. Her unique style is undeniably charming and has a calming quality to them.
This book tackles heavy topics like suicide, sex trafficking, and other traumas. But because it handles those topics with so much hope and understanding, the darkness of it all becomes easier to take on. With no judgment whatsoever, the pages become a safe space for anyone who has ever experienced any of the situations mentioned.
If you’re going to read this book, the best way to do it is through a physical copy. After all, it is a handbook, so it includes questions and activities for readers to engage with. Write notes in the margins and highlight your favorite lines and pieces of advice. It’s clear that Quijada-Banks poured her soul into this book, and it’s only appropriate for you to do the same.
Whether you’ve been through the foster care system or not, chances are you won’t be entirely healed by the end of this book. Self-healing takes plenty of time and work, something you have to do mainly on your own. But don’t let that intimidate you. With a roadmap like The Black Foster Youth Handbook and a guide like Ángela Quijada-Banks, you’re getting a good head start for a brighter future.
The Black Foster Youth Handbook: 50+ Lessons I learned to successfully Age-Out of Foster Care and Holistically Heal is a memoir, self-help book, and handbook all wrapped into one. Written for those in and aged out of foster care, this book is also helpful for supportive adults such as foster and resource parents, case managers, Guardians ad litem, therapists, and social workers.
Pages: 396 | ASIN : B08CJB8CM9
The Caregiver’s Journey
![The Caregiver's Journey: A Roadmap for Navigating Your Path by [Pamela S. Showalter, Raylene Bell]](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51DnKs96fiL.jpg)
The Caregiver’s Journey: A Roadmap for Navigating Your Path, by Pamela S. Showalter and Raylene Bell, follows Margene Saxon Bell’s descent into dementia and her caregivers’ difficult journey through it. The book details a five-year path through the illness and through the numerous ups and downs, all-the-while giving insight into what caregivers do and how difficult dealing with such illnesses can be, especially on a psychological level.
Showalter and Bell write in a practical and descriptive way. The book is written from Pamela’s point of view, and she never forgets to give readers effective advice on how to look after their loved one or how to find the issue’s origin. All of it is explained in the chapter takeaway and more in detail in the appendix.
As a reader keen on details, I appreciated the appendix at the end of the book, which focuses on important aspects concerning caretakers and caregivers. This will definitely be helpful for anyone in the same situation as the writers.
The aim of this book is to give aid to anyone that might find themselves with an ill loved one who needs medical care. The anecdotes within this book are touching, but the book does a fantastic job of providing readers with ample advice, tips, and inspiration.
The Caregiver’s Journey is an excellent guide on eldercare. What I liked best about this book is that is provides a plethora of actionable advice and tips, where other books speak in generalities this book gets into the details. I also liked how the books suggestions are coupled with guidance developed through real world experience. With its emotional charge and practical advice for readers, this book will prove to be a quick and touching read.
Pages: 168 | ASIN: B08K891879
A-C-T Like A Kid And T-H-I-N-K Like A Parent: What All Good Parents Need For Their Kids To Know, Learn And Understand
Just for kicks, have you ever wondered what your parents really want from you in life? Is it you, or do your parents want you to have no real fun? On any given day, do you want to make your parents proud of you and still do what makes you feel really happy within yourself? Of course you do! But the real question has always been, and still is…how? How can we actually get this done?
Well, with A-C-T like a Kid and T-H-I-N-K like a Parent, a.k.a “the child-part consoler”, you will get past common misunderstandings by learning how to truly talk, hear, and listen to your parents, guardians or caregivers instead of feeling like you have to run to friends to find some sense of acceptance, understanding, and real connection.
In this book, chock-full of questions and answers gotten directly from the source, you’ll learn what your parents, guardians or caregivers really expect of you—and maybe you’ll even find out how to explain to them what you really expect from them! Not that this book could ever replace a parent, because it can not. But when it comes to openly communicating certain key ideas, this book comes really close.
This tell-all guide contains lots of enlightening explanations and helpful answers to many common kid questions like:
What do my parents really want from me?
Why do my parents do what they do and say what they say?
What do I really need to know about my parents’ parenting skills?
How can I keep my parents happy with me?
How can I help my parents to help me?
How can I get what I want from my parents every time?
A-C-T like a Kid and T-H-I-N-K like a Parent is an intro to the secret knowledge of adults which is a set of informations that is mainly covered in the book entitled Surrogate Re-Parenting: A.K.A. Get Your Mind Right, and even more thoroughly covered in the book The Secret Knowledge Of Adults. While this book, A-C-T like a Kid and T-H-I-N-K like a Parent is intended for kids 10 and up, the info in this book is beneficial and useful to the intelligent kid parts in all of us. Yes, this means you too.
The information in this book will help you and yours to start to see your parents, not as the enemy, but as the caring human beings they really are, and take the first step toward family unity, understanding, growth, success, and happiness! Both you and your parents really deserve this, and with this book, A-C-T like a Kid and T-H-I-N-K like a Parent, you and your parents can actually achieve this.
LITERARY TITAN 