Real Events of Narcissistic Abuse is your memoir of surviving abusive relationships with narcissists and how you healed from those experiences. Why was this an important book for you to write?

Real Events of Narcissistic Abuse: Someone’s Survival Guide was inspired by God through learning how many other victims and survivors are out there in the world. After discovering that this horrific abuse occurs around the world, I knew my story was needed to help others understand that they are not alone, that they are not crazy, and that 100% healing from the trauma is possible. Overcoming the trauma and trauma triggers is and can be done when we know the ‘why’ behind the abuse. When we understand the ‘why,’ we can connect the dots with all the red flags we missed so that we don’t miss them again going forward. The book will inspire and educate others about the very real spiritual battle for the mind, as we learn that the abuser was trying to gain control of our mind.

While the abusers want to control us, it is ultimately the control of our minds they truly want. When they cannot get control of our minds, they will experience what is known as a narcissistic collapse, an adult temper tantrum. It is during this collapse that their true colors show who they really are and who they are not. My story helps others identify if they are in an abusive relationship or situation so they can start planning their escape and break any unhealthy attachments to the abuser. Hence my brand, inspired by Jesus, breaking the trauma bond to the world, to help others overcome unhealthy attachments to people and things so they can truly heal.

My story is one of many about trials, tribulations, and triumphs! It is also a walk with me on my journey into God’s reality. The day I was reborn in Christ is the very day I realized we are in a real spiritual battle between good and evil, and that the abusive behaviors are the real evil we are facing daily. To fight the good fight, we draw closer to God and become a better version of ourselves as we heal and grow spiritually to do all that we are destined to do. We turn our pain into purpose and co-create with our Heavenly Father to benefit humanity with love, light, and laughter through changing that thinking into positive vibes, and live our best life.

What is a common misconception you feel people have about Narcissism?

One major misconception many people have is that narcissism is a mental disorder. When God tells us we do not wrestle against flesh and blood but against spiritual wickedness in high places, it becomes clear that narcissism is a spiritual disorder, one where the abusers are disconnected from their righteous spiritual body. Narcissism is all about negativity and low vibration to keep people down so the enemy can keep kicking them while they are down. Abusers do the same thing and that is not a coincidence. Everyone experiences a little narcissism growing up, but survivors who get rid of that victim mentality associated with narcissism start to see exactly what not to be and what not to engage in when it comes to the abuse. It’s called growing up and maturing as we should. And we put away all those childish things like Jesus did (1 Corinthians 13:11).

While narcissism is the “all about me persona,” the ‘ism’ mindset, it is through the spiritual energy transfer that negative thoughts and emotions occur. The abusers cannot process their emotions properly, so they project them outward, abusing others to try and make themselves feel better. When they realize that doesn’t work, it makes them even more bitter. Many experts in this type of abuse will tell you that these abusers are cowards underneath the mask they wear. What we mean by the ‘mask’ is the mirroring of their target to trick their target into thinking they found a soulmate. Narcissism is all about keeping people away from God, so they don’t discover their purpose and get into repentance. Repentance goes hand in hand with the spiritual awakening as we learn to knock it off with childish behaviors and follow God’s commandments. None of us are saints by any means, and that is why we need Jesus, but narcissism will keep people confused and lost while at the same time tricking them into believing they are saved. Talk about cognitive dissonance in action!

Narcissism is also highly judgmental of outward appearances. Narcissism is filled with hypocrisy, lies, deceit, and all the other wickedness we are to refrain from, including idolatry. Narcissism is full of idolatry, putting other people and things above God. Narcissism causes people to lack empathy and compassion for others. Without empathy, a gift from God, the individual will become a narcissistic abuser, even at least a part-time one. Nonetheless, an abuser is an abuser and that’s not okay. I say that abuse of any kind is not okay often for a reason, as it is wrong to go around treating others badly. We are instructed by God to love one another, and we learn to do that from afar when it comes to the enemy. We simply love from afar by not fearing or hating them. We turn it over to God and let Him handle them.

The bottom line with narcissism is that it is designed to trick many into thinking the world revolves around them and that there is never enough. A good example can be found in those who, out of fear, go and buy way more than what they need of a particular item, not thinking about their neighbor who may also need that item. That is classic narcissism in action, not caring about anyone else and only caring about themselves. Narcissism causes people to put themselves above God, and that’s where they mess up.

What is one piece of advice someone gave you that changed your life?

One significant piece of advice someone gave me that changed my life was to start setting strong boundaries and sticking to them. One surefire way to do this is learning to say ‘no’ to things that do not resonate with my spirit and not feel guilty for saying ‘no.’ We learned through the abuse that when we give the abuser an inch, they will take a mile. By setting strong boundaries, we are more easily able to resist the devil and he shall flee (James 4:7). Without boundaries, we are more easily tempted and fall into sin. Once God wakes us up to and from the abuse, we enter a spiritual awakening and what comes with that is repentance, seeking forgiveness for our sins from God. We must have boundaries to pick up our cross and follow Jesus because the enemy will always try to test our faith, using the same tactics repeatedly, as he has no new tricks.  

One of the best examples of a boundary that I learned to set the hard way was to never get personal with coworkers, especially if in a toxic and abusive workplace. Another example of a boundary is the disclaimer on my website that lets potential abusers know that if they are just looking for attention or a pity party, then my services are not for them. My consulting sessions are for those who are serious about healing and growing spiritually. Setting that boundary has curtailed an influx of abusers who were just looking for attention and verbally attacking me with mundane gaslights and questions. One made me laugh as they tried to see if they could get me to second guess myself by asking if I was sure I was healed enough from the trauma to help others. My first thought was, “Well, I can see right through your shenanigans, and they won’t work, so yes, I am 100% healed.” So, boundaries are an important thing to have if we are to stay focused on our calling and do the will of God. Without boundaries, we would not be able to thwart the fiery darts of the wicked. Additionally, without boundaries, we allow ourselves to be pulled into many different directions and we sacrifice our inner peace. Boundaries help us keep our inner peace.

What do you hope is one thing readers take away from your story?

The primary takeaway from my story for readers is just how strong they truly are because of God and Jesus! A good example is in the book about how I still managed to keep my GPA high and graduate with my bachelor’s and master’s degrees with honors, despite the crazy-making from narcissistic abuse situation number nine. That situation was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and I finally heard God’s call, paying close attention to all the behaviors of the ex-roommate who fit the criteria of a psychopath with everything he tried to do, from putting spyware on mine and my mother’s phone, to rigging up an electrocution ‘machine’ in the house to try and cause me to fall ill. He was living in a fantasy world where he painted me as his wife and the spyware was so he could have a “pretend affair” with someone he tried to triangulate me with. Some parts of that story are comical as he tried to turn his “pretend mistress” into a version of me. The abuse he dished out was not funny at all, but some of the things his pretend mistress did was hilarious. Even during the aftermath of that situation, I was able to enroll into the current doctorate program and once all of that finally calmed down, with a protective order out against the ex-roommate, I have made it to the dissertation proposal stage in the program!

Readers will learn that nothing is impossible with God! Through faith, dedication, and determination, we are resilient and stronger than we think. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us, and no man can stop God’s plan for our lives. Readers will be encouraged and enlightened to keep going, healing, and growing. Each time the enemy tried to cause our downfall, we bounced back ten-fold, emerging stronger than we used to be.

The book is an easy read! It is not bogged down with overly sophisticated words and is to the point, without heavy jargon no one has ever heard of, keeping the writing style conversational. With the conversational style, readers can relax and enjoy learning while healing and being educated about narcissistic abuse.

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