DIY Conflict Resolution provides practical and actionable advice readers can use to resolve conflict and improve their life. Why was this an important book for you to write?

Even before the pandemic, too many people around me were hurting, and too often the hurt was exacerbated by their own doing. This is not to blame the victim, but to empower the survivor.

I have been one of those people stuck in a cycle of hurt and self-limitation. I was reminded of this as recently as Sunday, while finally going through some personal items from my late mother’s house. Tucked in a book was a letter from a friend I often wrote while he was playing hockey in Hungary. He gently told me how negative I usually was and how I needed to focus on gratitude. It probably hurt my feelings at the time, but I must have kept that letter because I knew he was right.

It’s hard for me to recognize that version of myself at this stage of my life, and I am so glad! It has taken a lot of work, but I have created healthier brain patterns and taken more productive actions. These have given me a far better life than I had back then. I want that for everyone who’s interested. A book seemed a good way to get them some tools to help them start creating better lives with small, easy-to-take steps they can take immediately.

What is your professional experience and how has that helped you write this book?

I’ve been practicing law in New York City since February 2002. I started my own practice in June 2003, as a result of a “last straw” conflict with an employer I had been very loyal to. That turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

I had begun my legal career litigating, mostly personal injury and workers compensation cases. Occasionally, I went to small claims and criminal court. A few times, I had been in family and surrogate’s courts, including the special part for mental hygiene cases. Regardless of the forum, there seemed to be a huge disconnect between the ideals sought by the parties and the results produced. I had seen this as a plaintiff, too, in my own lawsuit against a prior employer. I was confused by the results because I knew how effective mediation and alternative dispute resolution (ADR) could be. Yet I rarely saw parties opting for them. So, I did what I normally do when I’m looking for answers. I went on a knowledge quest.

I got certified in mediation by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) and the International Center for Ethno-Religious Mediation (ICERM). I served two years as ICERM’s Main Representative to the United Nations. I completed the Curriculum for Living at Landmark Worldwide and coached Landmark’s Self-Expression and Leadership Program. I committed to continuous self-improvement, so that I could better serve the people around me.

This all came in quite handy after I was violently assaulted on my walk home from Landmark in January 2014. (I tell that story in the book.) Thank goodness I was no longer who my friend wrote to from Hungary in 1997! Instead of treading water from the tears of my sad story (like I would have before), I was able to look more objectively at the situation and more compassionately at the 14-year-old boy who injured me. I found courage to consider what was best for me, him, his family, the courts, and more. I also found the motivation to finally write a book—something I had wanted to do since I was at least 12 years old.

I wasn’t expecting the defining moment of my “writing career” to come with a body slam to the sidewalk, multiple injuries, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Perhaps I wrote the book because I don’t want others to wait for a traumatic experience to remind them to live. I want them to have tools now, and I want us all to have less trauma.

What were some ideas that were important for you to explore in this book?

The most important message I want readers to get is that they can build skill in resolving their own conflicts, and this will improve how they see and feel about their lives. This causes exponential improvement over time. I’m not the most patient person either and I would prefer a more immediate solution. Yet I can see how much easier it is to take small steps consistently toward lasting change. This book is written to keep us all taking those actions, even when we aren’t sure what’s next. As Dr. David J. Schwartz wrote in The Magic of Thinking Big, “Action cures fear.” I hope this will help readers get back in action.

What is a common misconception you find people have about conflict resolution?

People often think conflict resolution is when someone else tells you who is right, who is wrong, and who gets what. There is a place for that process, but the majority of us want more of a say in our lives. We just need to help figuring out how to express ourselves effectively and take effective actions despite our fears, concerns, frustrations, boredom, and doubt. We are all a lot more powerful than we realize, especially when emotions get high.

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In DIY Conflict Resolution, Nance L. Schick, Esq. draws from her proprietary conflict mediation process to create an invaluable step-by-step guide to workplace conflict resolution. Informed by Schick’s extensive experience as an employment attorney, diversity trainer, and conflict resolution coach, this groundbreaking guide to listening effectively in the workplace teaches you how to become a compassionate listener and instructs you in resolving conflicts at work on your own. Schick shows you how to navigate your past experiences with conflict and discover practical solutions to define the dispute, understand the interest of each individual involved, and find a satisfactory outcome through specific, measurable actions.Whether you are a leader struggling to adapt to diversifying workforces or just interested in becoming a better listener, troubleshooter, or influencer, DIY Conflict Resolution offers simple mediation techniques for work that will ultimately show you how to listen and lead without fear.